Thursday, March 29, 2007

Everybody tellin' me rap good


Now, I didn't see the clip of Rove rapping because I want to keep my Raisin Bran down, but here are some of the lines I believe he might have used:

"My name is Karl and I'm here to say, I love excoriating Democrats' patriotism in a major way"

"It's a shame I'll have to get out of this game, did you know Joe Wilson's wife is Valerie Plame?"

"I know we've seen better days, by the way, I hate gays"

"In the private sector I'll make mad dollaz, also don't blame Al Gonzalez"

UPDATE: OH MY GOD WATCH THE VIDEO!!!

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Wednesday, March 28, 2007

You overdid it holmes, you in the danger zone



For those of you not watching or reading the news this week, I'll give you a rundown:

- Iran fopnapped 15 British sailors who were supposedly in Iranian waters
- Sailors are safe and healthy, in cigarette and Earl Gray withdrawal
- Tony Blair is pissed
- Anna Nicole Smith overdosed

This is really an incredibly story, because if this happened five years ago, George Bush would be displaying President Ahmadinejad's head on a platter at the White House. Today? We just don't have the mojo. Iran knows that Britain and the US don't have the capabilities very well invade or take truly drastic measures, so it might as well take the opportunity to flex nuts, get some press, fire up the hardliners, and tweek Blair and Bush.

So, this crisis will go on for a week, much like the Chinese showdown in 2001, and eventually result in the British getting their soldiers back, safe and sound, because even Mahmoud is not stupid enough to kill them. Perfect timing for the Iranians, though; the UN decides on sanctions just as this whole affair is shaking out, and they get to say to the world that they still hold some power.

However, Mahmoud could be horribly wrong and the US and Britain could launch strikes on Tehran, ultimately invade and then plunge Iran into a religious and cultural civil war, the likes of which we have not seen in the Middle East since.... March 19, 2003. But what are the odds of that?

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Friday, March 23, 2007

You said you'd never compromise


Fortunately for the Iraq deadline, President Bush attacked it with bad intelligence, an insufficient amount of troops, a complete and total lack of planning, and incompetent leadership.

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Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Put my pants on one leg at a time


Is the only prescription:

A) More Cowbell?
B) Less Cowbell?
C) The status quo amount of cowbell?
D) An environmentally sound economy and stricter carbon dioxide emission standards?

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Friday, March 16, 2007

Friday News..... Half assed entry

It has been a long time since I have written a Friday News Roundup, and it hasn't been because there has been a lack of news. Or a lack of Fridays. For example, Anna Nicole Smith died and then the guy from LA Law was the judge in the case deciding where her body was to be buried. Wow!


So, to ease back into it, I'll use the technique of America's most widely read and stupidest newspaper, USA Today... I'll use pictures!

- First, this amalgam of headlines on CNN caught my eye yesterday. The lesson I gleaned: The world is going to hell:

- Once again, I am lucky enough for another major news story to break featuring Al Queda operative Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, who yesterday admitted to planning every attack against the United States ever. This news, of course, means the reappearance of this photo, which i previously discussed here:


- It's snowing, so I'm heading home early!

Monday, March 12, 2007

Stop the presses


Holy cow!!! Priests have been abusing children? I have heard nothing at all about anything like that ever before. Somebody get Cardinal Law on the phone! Really? Oh.

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Thursday, March 08, 2007

Yeah, I could be mayor!

This week, the Somerville News broke the, um,news that Senator Barack Obama (D-Hillary Clinton's nightmares) recently paid nearly $400 in outstanding parking and excise tax violations to the cities of Somerville and Cambridge, Massachusetts. Obama received the tickets when he was a student at Harvard Law School in the late 80's and who the fuck cares.

Despite having absolutely no news value whatsoever, this story just adds to the amazing number of common threads that already exist between me and the Junior Senator from Illinois.

Please consult the graphic below for the full list:

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Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Baby, I've been here before


Via Google customized homepage, let's play.... choose your own joke!

A) "Isn't that what got him into trouble in the first place?"

B) "That makes perfect sense since she is a lesbian."

C) "I thought Chris Dodd had the female vote locked up."

Thursday, March 01, 2007

I'm gonna tell you a big bad story, baby, aww, it's about my town


Calm the fuck down.