The Goot is on the Loose

My prayers have been answered. A major (cough) publication, The New York Observer, has done a bio-piece on perhaps the most underrated actor of the the last 50, nay, the last 500 years, Steve Guttenberg.

"Assignment Miami Beach, you say? No, I have standards."

I'd be giddy anyway, because of my love of everything Guttenberg and because friend of the blog PMS looks remarkably like him. But the article gives us much, much more -- Guttenberg has endured a bit of a resurgence lately, due to his appearance on Dancing with the Stars. So, you would think the movie offers would be rolling in.

Not, so much.

Apparently, the life of the Gutte (or Goot), is rather ordinary:

“I pop out of bed at 6:30. And I say my prayers, and every day have a little hot water and lemon, that’s my start,” he said. “And I go take a run in Central Park.” The other day, he met an attractive female jogger. Got her digits. They went on a date. Didn’t work out, but last Thursday he took a blond Cornell grad to the Water Club.

“Nothing sexier than a smart woman,” he said. “The Goot is on the loose.”

Let's just let that soak in for a moment.

All right. And:

"After his morning jog, he hits the gym in his building; he lives in the Reebok Condo on Columbus Avenue and 67th Street. “I’ve tried to stay fit, you know, because it’s my instrument, this is my violin,” he said, gesturing over his body. “I play the violin. So I want to keep it tuned up …. So I work out there during the day, and then I write.”

This is confusing. Reading this paragraph, I think I'm to assume that the next paragraph would reveal to the world that Steve Guttenberg is, in fact, adult film actor Buck Naked. Surprisingly, it says no such thing. Steve just likes to keep in shape, because he's a violin.

This whole thing is too much for me to digest. I'm assuming that either a reality show is in the works or this will be the jumping off point. I demand it.