He needs you to test his inventions
I feel like I've suffered from a lack of creativity lately, simply linking to news stories and providing insightful and hilarious commentary on them. At any rate, I figured that I would try to to be a little more proactive, by recycling something that I put together about a year ago... That's right, most evil movie villains!
Not just worst villains, like Hitler in Indiana Jones or Darth Vader in Star Wars or Captain Harris in Police Academy, but most evil villains. Extra points if portrayed by an evil actor.
Anyway...
Special shout out to E for collaborating on this list so long ago. And for having the same nerdly tendencies as me.
- John Lithgow (Eric Qualen in Cliffhanger) - Kills his own girlfriend so he can be the only one to fly the helicopter. Has Frank the helicopter pilot gunned down unnecessarily. Speaks with a British accent.
- South African guys (Lethal Weapon 2) - Kill several cops in gratuitous bombings . Kill Mel Gibson's girlfriend (possibly the hottest woman ever) by having her drowned. Torture Mel Gibson and he discovers that they killed his wife. Flaunt diplomatic immunity. Also speak with British accents. Well, South African accents, but whatever.
- Tom Berenger (Sergeant Barnes in Platoon) Kills old woman in village. Threatens young child. Burns down village. Shoots and tries to kill Willem Dafoe. Scars all over face.
- Anthony Hopkins (Hannibal Lechter in Silence of the Lambs) Is a cannibal.
- Peter Greene et al (Zed in Pulp Fiction) Rape Ving Rhames. Ok terrific.
- Kevin Bacon (Sean Nokes in Sleepers) Rapes young boys. Kills inmate because he lost a football game.
- Kevin Spacey (John Doe in Seven) Kills Brad Pitt's wife and then mails him her head.
- William Sadler (Colonel Stuart in Die Hard 2) Kills 300 people by causing a plane crash. Kills a slew of cops. Pisses off sipowicz. Stabs Bruce Willis. Does martial arts calisthenics naked.
- William Sadler (Senator Vernon Trent in hard to kill) leaves Steven Seagal for dead, kills his wife, tries to kill his son. Has shady dealings with stereotypical Italian crime boss. Is a member of the US Congress. Takes things to the bank. Has oversized painting of himself in his house.
- Ted Levine (Jame Gumm aka Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs) Demands the lotion in the basket. Wears human skin as mask. Dances around with a mangina.
- Tim Curry (Pennywise the Clown in It) Causes numerous disasters which kill hundreds of people. Stalks and devours children. Scares Jack Tripper and. Has haunted my dreams since 1990.
- Kevin Spacey (Keyser Soze in The Usual Suspect) He lets the last Hungarian go. He waits until his wife and kids are in the ground and then he goes after the rest of the mob. He kills their kids, he kills their wives, he kills their parents and their parents' friends. He burns down the houses they live in and the stores they work in, he kills people that owe them money. And like that he was gone.
- Martin Kove (Sensei John Creese in Karate Kid) Shows no mercy.
Not just worst villains, like Hitler in Indiana Jones or Darth Vader in Star Wars or Captain Harris in Police Academy, but most evil villains. Extra points if portrayed by an evil actor.
Anyway...
Special shout out to E for collaborating on this list so long ago. And for having the same nerdly tendencies as me.
- John Lithgow (Eric Qualen in Cliffhanger) - Kills his own girlfriend so he can be the only one to fly the helicopter. Has Frank the helicopter pilot gunned down unnecessarily. Speaks with a British accent.
- South African guys (Lethal Weapon 2) - Kill several cops in gratuitous bombings . Kill Mel Gibson's girlfriend (possibly the hottest woman ever) by having her drowned. Torture Mel Gibson and he discovers that they killed his wife. Flaunt diplomatic immunity. Also speak with British accents. Well, South African accents, but whatever.
- Tom Berenger (Sergeant Barnes in Platoon) Kills old woman in village. Threatens young child. Burns down village. Shoots and tries to kill Willem Dafoe. Scars all over face.
- Anthony Hopkins (Hannibal Lechter in Silence of the Lambs) Is a cannibal.
- Peter Greene et al (Zed in Pulp Fiction) Rape Ving Rhames. Ok terrific.
- Kevin Bacon (Sean Nokes in Sleepers) Rapes young boys. Kills inmate because he lost a football game.
- Kevin Spacey (John Doe in Seven) Kills Brad Pitt's wife and then mails him her head.
- William Sadler (Colonel Stuart in Die Hard 2) Kills 300 people by causing a plane crash. Kills a slew of cops. Pisses off sipowicz. Stabs Bruce Willis. Does martial arts calisthenics naked.
- William Sadler (Senator Vernon Trent in hard to kill) leaves Steven Seagal for dead, kills his wife, tries to kill his son. Has shady dealings with stereotypical Italian crime boss. Is a member of the US Congress. Takes things to the bank. Has oversized painting of himself in his house.
- Ted Levine (Jame Gumm aka Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs) Demands the lotion in the basket. Wears human skin as mask. Dances around with a mangina.
- Tim Curry (Pennywise the Clown in It) Causes numerous disasters which kill hundreds of people. Stalks and devours children. Scares Jack Tripper and. Has haunted my dreams since 1990.
- Kevin Spacey (Keyser Soze in The Usual Suspect) He lets the last Hungarian go. He waits until his wife and kids are in the ground and then he goes after the rest of the mob. He kills their kids, he kills their wives, he kills their parents and their parents' friends. He burns down the houses they live in and the stores they work in, he kills people that owe them money. And like that he was gone.
- Martin Kove (Sensei John Creese in Karate Kid) Shows no mercy.
posted by quint at 3:04 PM
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