Chinese buffets (Why we're fat Volume 1)
First, an aside.
My gym is housed in the same building as a Chinese buffet, which in addition to being the very definition of irony, makes for amusing observational comedy as well as the tangy, sweet smell of General Tao's/Tso's/Zao's/Zau's/Gao's chicken each and every time you head to a work out.
It's not difficult to play the guessing game of who's going into the gym and who's on their way to gorge themselves, although it is slightly tricky because both groups are wearing sweatwear, one for athletic comfort and one because of the laws of physics. I have been fooled once, but that was because a guy entering the Chinese Buffet was so fat that I thought he was, in fact, two people wearing matching FUBU gear.
Chinese buffets can best be defined as God's gift to heart disease. Batter dipped chicken soaked in fatty thick viscous liquids, towers of ribs, deep fried objects (seriously, do you ever have any idea what's in them?) piles of ice cream and jello, and then, just for irony's sake, the salad bar, which mocks the morbidly obese with its carrots and green peppers, which are then covered in Extra fat Bleu cheese dressing or chocolate sauce, whichever is closer.
Another aside: When I was 16, my mother and grandmother picked me up from nerd camp in Winston Salem, and we drove back through the lovely southern landscape. Thank God no one knew I was Jewish. At any rate, we stopped off at Shoney's, which I guess is like a Southern version of Perkins or Ponderosa. They have an all day buffet. To this day, my grandmother and I still talk about one rotund future NASCAR fan, who was carefully balancing a plate piled about a foot high with bacon and green jello.
Conclusions:
1. Chinese Buffets were created by Deng Xiaoping in the late 1980's to slowly kill Americans with MSG.
2. Luckily, Florida will be hit the hardest. In fact, I predict Florida will get so fat by 2015 that it will snap off and fall into the Gulf of Mexico, causing a tsunami that will devastate a finally rebuilt New Orleans.
3. For humor's sake, Chinese Buffets should all be situated next to gyms, parks, beaches, hospitals, and mortuaries. The last two just for convenience.
My gym is housed in the same building as a Chinese buffet, which in addition to being the very definition of irony, makes for amusing observational comedy as well as the tangy, sweet smell of General Tao's/Tso's/Zao's/Zau's/Gao's chicken each and every time you head to a work out.
It's not difficult to play the guessing game of who's going into the gym and who's on their way to gorge themselves, although it is slightly tricky because both groups are wearing sweatwear, one for athletic comfort and one because of the laws of physics. I have been fooled once, but that was because a guy entering the Chinese Buffet was so fat that I thought he was, in fact, two people wearing matching FUBU gear.
Chinese buffets can best be defined as God's gift to heart disease. Batter dipped chicken soaked in fatty thick viscous liquids, towers of ribs, deep fried objects (seriously, do you ever have any idea what's in them?) piles of ice cream and jello, and then, just for irony's sake, the salad bar, which mocks the morbidly obese with its carrots and green peppers, which are then covered in Extra fat Bleu cheese dressing or chocolate sauce, whichever is closer.
Another aside: When I was 16, my mother and grandmother picked me up from nerd camp in Winston Salem, and we drove back through the lovely southern landscape. Thank God no one knew I was Jewish. At any rate, we stopped off at Shoney's, which I guess is like a Southern version of Perkins or Ponderosa. They have an all day buffet. To this day, my grandmother and I still talk about one rotund future NASCAR fan, who was carefully balancing a plate piled about a foot high with bacon and green jello.
Conclusions:
1. Chinese Buffets were created by Deng Xiaoping in the late 1980's to slowly kill Americans with MSG.
2. Luckily, Florida will be hit the hardest. In fact, I predict Florida will get so fat by 2015 that it will snap off and fall into the Gulf of Mexico, causing a tsunami that will devastate a finally rebuilt New Orleans.
3. For humor's sake, Chinese Buffets should all be situated next to gyms, parks, beaches, hospitals, and mortuaries. The last two just for convenience.
posted by quint at 7:56 PM
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