Campaign 2044
I was watching the Jeopardy Teen Tournament last night, and despite one of the contestant's being named "Papa", I was able to regroup and set my sights on one of the other competitors, named Andrew Kreitz.
This kid rubbed me the wrong way right off the bat. For one thing, he was wearing an American flag pin on his lapel, which would be ok if he were Jay Leno or a member of the US House of Representatives. Secondly, he spoke very glowingly of his desire to practice corporate law, which at 18 years old has got to send up some sort of red flag. Third, he made a very deliberate attempt to squeeze in his desire to serve in the military, "if there's time." Finally, he mentioned that he wanted to play water polo at Harvard.
Okay, so I now how a lot of Democratic activists have been complaining that we havent been targeting Republican candidates early enough, so I suggest that we start early with this guy. Really early. I'm throwing down the gauntlet; I will do whatever it takes to make sure this guy doesn't get elected to high political office.
But I need help. If you end up on the water polo team with him at Harvard, first, question your place in life, and second, start gathering dirt. If he is the recording secretary of the Young Business/World Domination Club at Princeton, take some pictures of him drinking at little too much at a racially exclusive eating club. If you serve in the military with him, make sure to let me know how he behaves in the Texas Air National Guard meetings.
We start working now to beat this guy.
This kid rubbed me the wrong way right off the bat. For one thing, he was wearing an American flag pin on his lapel, which would be ok if he were Jay Leno or a member of the US House of Representatives. Secondly, he spoke very glowingly of his desire to practice corporate law, which at 18 years old has got to send up some sort of red flag. Third, he made a very deliberate attempt to squeeze in his desire to serve in the military, "if there's time." Finally, he mentioned that he wanted to play water polo at Harvard.
Okay, so I now how a lot of Democratic activists have been complaining that we havent been targeting Republican candidates early enough, so I suggest that we start early with this guy. Really early. I'm throwing down the gauntlet; I will do whatever it takes to make sure this guy doesn't get elected to high political office.
But I need help. If you end up on the water polo team with him at Harvard, first, question your place in life, and second, start gathering dirt. If he is the recording secretary of the Young Business/World Domination Club at Princeton, take some pictures of him drinking at little too much at a racially exclusive eating club. If you serve in the military with him, make sure to let me know how he behaves in the Texas Air National Guard meetings.
We start working now to beat this guy.
posted by quint at 6:05 AM
2 Comments:
That's it. The fuckin' kid is toast.
Let's just track him down and get him started on some nice narcotics.
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