How long can you hate yourself for the weakness you conceal?

I had a phone interview today, and the guys on the other end of the call luckily stayed away from the "What's your weakness" question that seems to plague every single interview I've ever had. For that reason alone I should want to take this job. A few weeks ago on another interview, I told them my weakness was I tended to have strong opinions, which to put it mildly did not go over well. Within five minutes, she actually asked me if I had a problem with authority. Bitch.

A friend gave me the advice that you have to give the interviewer no room to work with on that question, so you should give answers like: "I'm too detail oriented", "I tend to take work home", or "I have too much energy." He also suggested: "I have to masturbate every day at noon, no exceptions."

I find these weakness questions pointless; what idiot (other than me) is going to reveal their enormous character flaws in an interview? It's like telling a first date that you come too quick or that you are really attached to your mother. Or me telling an interviewer that I procrastinate, lose focus easily, live in the past, browse Myspace for 2-3 hours a day, have an inconsistent jump shot and miss easy layups, take forever to return a phone call, get distracted by the wind, haven't gotten laid in forever, have a terrible relationship with my father, can't hit a baseball anymore, sleep 10 hours a night, haven't increased my bench press in 3 weeks, am infatuated with girls I'll never get and ignore girls I can get, own two pairs of shoes, have never gotten a good haircut, eat too much chocolate, am insecure, listen to the same songs over and over, and have a credit score of absolute zero.

So, who's hiring?