You might like to eat bread

Passover is just around the corner, where Jews all around the world will recline slightly and drink staggered cups of wine at unpredictable intervals. The third leg of the Talmudic Triple Crown, during this holiday Jews have to sacrifice bread and good tasting ketchup for eight days in order to be miserable. Or something.

Passover will always have an important place in my heart, as I have fond memories of going to elementary school with a salami and matzah sandwich wrapped in aluminum foil and an apple. Thanks, Moses. It is my favorite Jewish holiday, mostly because of the tradition and because matzah + cream cheese + raspberry jelly = crazy delicious.

Talmudic Triple Crown rundown (In order of Jewatulance):

3. Passover: Can't eat leavened products. Get to watch the Ten Commandments. Dessert limited to joyva gel rings.

2. Rosh Hashana: Happy New Year!!! Or, rather, sad new year. Two days off from school unless it falls on a weekend when it's useless. Forced to throw bread products into body of water.

1. Yom Kippur: The Belmont Stakes of Judaism without the horses but still focused largely on Long Island. Has war named after it. 24 straight hours of prayer with the added bonus of not being able to eat or drink. Thanks, Leviticus.