If ye cannot bring good news, then don't bring any

Great... Moderately Effed takes a break and the two biggest news stories in the history of mankind break: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes gave birth to an entity and Scott McClellan "resigned" as White House Press Secretary.

Cruise and Holmes named their baby daughter Suri, which means "princess" in Hebrew, "red rose" in Farsi, and "will be in need of severe and intrusive psychotherapy by age 5" in Klingon. Would anyone object if the we started treating two Scientologists like first cousins? You know, no one's going to make a fuss if you sleep together, but once you decide to further poison the gene pool by attempting to procreate, that's when the government steps in?

And then good old Lyin' Scotty McClellan announced his resignation. Ironically, none of the press corps actually believed him. McClellan explained his departure by talking about the inherent need for change in the White House and how a new chapter in his life would be starting. Asked what his plans for the future were, he responded: "Saddam Hussein was a grave threat."