FLASH -- Mitch McConnell is slowly melting

Oh wow I have no idea what's going on with this bailout. I blame Katie Couric.

Verbatim

I've now reached the point where I believe that Sarah Palin is just a prank that John McCain is pulling on the United States.


COURIC: You've cited Alaska's proximity to Russia as part of your foreign policy experience. What did you mean by that?

PALIN: That Alaska has a very narrow maritime border between a foreign country, Russia, and on our other side, the land-- boundary that we have with-- Canada. It-- it's funny that a comment like that was-- kind of made to-- cari-- I don't know, you know? Reporters--

COURIC: Mock?

PALIN: Yeah, mocked, I guess that's the word, yeah.

COURIC: Explain to me why that enhances your foreign policy credentials.

PALIN: Well, it certainly does because our-- our next door neighbors are foreign countries. They're in the state that I am the executive of. And there in Russia--

COURIC: Have you ever been involved with any negotiations, for example, with the Russians?

PALIN: We have trade missions back and forth. We-- we do-- it's very important when you consider even national security issues with Russia as Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where-- where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border. It is-- from Alaska that we send those out to make sure that an eye is being kept on this very powerful nation, Russia, because they are right there. They are right next to-- to our state.

FLASH: I am suspending the blog until the financial crisis is solved

In reality, I'm just busy and will be away for the weekend and haven't had anything funny to write in the last week but if a lame excuse works for McCain then it will work for me.

Flashback, warm nights, almost left behind

The biggest news of my week? Brenda Walsh reveals the biggest secret of the year: Dylan McKay is the father of Kelly Taylor's baby.


Yeah, I watch 90210. In fact, I DVR it. I'm interesting in Emily "Silver" Silver's relationship with her mother. I may be falling in love with the girl whose the sister of the black kid, as well as possibly Lori Loughlin. I want to punch this Ty character in the face. I'm sold.

But I won't be fully satisfied until the return of the dauphin, the ascendancy of the king. I won't be happy until I gaze upon his smiling face. I won't rest until I see Steve Sanders.

Would anyone care for fruit, or dessert?

I have decided that I am completely unable to effectively transport a banana from my apartment to my office in the mornings. I've tried plastic bags, I've tried different pockets of my gym bag, I've made a conscious effort not to lean on my bag at all during the subway ride.

But every single day, the banana emerges bruised and browned, sometimes squashed so much on one end that there are banana remnants on my gym lock.

I'm out of options.

The Il-est

Kim Jong Il's jumpsuit is back in the news this week, after failing to appear at a military parade celebrating the 60th anniversary of North Korea's founding. According to the North Korean government, Il has not been seen since he hit 5 holes in one in a single round of golf, clubbed a 700 foot home run, and dunked on a 12 foot rim in early August. Also he likes movies.

During a conversation with noted funnyman and friend of the blog PK, I mentioned how Il's potential death or at least removal from power in North Korea would deal a serious blow to comedy lovers everywhere; the world is running extremely low on eccentric and egomaniacal dictators. Sure, Chavez has his bluster, but does he own 20,000 videotapes? Ahmadinejad has his beard but did he ever kidnap actors to bolster a fledgling movie industry in Iran? Putin has his piercing good looks but does he compose operas?

No!

Old man

It seems like every time I start to get worried about this election John McCain speaks and I slowly fall asleep. He is as ebullient as a block of wood, which, is not very ebullient.

But to be honest, I'm scared to death.

The truth that ran us down

"I hate you."

Oh to be a fly on the... umm... tarmac for the meeting between John McCain, Sarah Palin's family, and Bristol Palin's baby daddy. This is the most uncomfortable photo opportunity in history.

In other news, Mitt Romney has either become a rock star, the devil, or a porno actor:

Wounded in hatred

Once again I go away for the weekend and I miss enormous news stories -- Gustav and candidate baby mama drama.

But I don't want to talk about that. In fact, the anger inside of me is about to melt my computer. Flames. Flames. On the side of my face. breathing, breath... heaving, breaths... heaving..

I hate Joe Lieberman with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns.