A Very Special Tuesday News Roundup

- Lewis "Scooter" Libby, the former Cheney aide who leaked Valerie Plame's identity to the press in 2003, is, and I can't believe I'm writing this, considering calling a memory expert to testify that Libby forgot about meeting with reporters as opposed to lied about meeting with reporters. I love this defense. I love it. I'm fully on board with it. I will use this from now on in every interpersonal, professional, and legal interaction that I have for the rest of my life.

- President Bush met with his foreign policy team this week, and apparently they've already made a wax mockup of said meeting:


What's the funniest part of this picture?
A) President Bush's facial expression
B) Dick Cheney's pink shirt
C) Donald Rumsfeld appears to be wearing a Patagonia jacket
D) Condoleeza Rice

- Pittsburgh Steelers' quarterback Ben Roethlisberger made his bid to end up in the Darwin awards by crashing his motorcycle while not wearing a helmet, resulting in many lost teeth and other severe injuries. After hearing of the accident, former Steelers running back Jerome Bettis ate a sandwich.

- I would like to congratulate the US military for killing Al Queda operative Abu-Musab Al Zarqarwi last week. Great, now that that's over, we can pack it in and head back to the States. Get those homecoming parades ready!