Friday News Roundup
- Showing true patriotic spirit, outed CIA agent Valerie Plame proved she was a real American by doing what Americans do best: she's suing Vice President Cheney, Karl Rove, and Scooter Libby for revealing her identity to the press. Civil suits are much easier to win than criminal cases, so expect her to fight long and hard and spend millions of dollars only to get shot in the face by Dick Cheney. And I'm still not tired of those jokes.
- War continues in the Middle East, where the Lebanese have ceased flexing nuts and are calling for a cease fire with Israel. Israel has effectively destroyed the Beirut airport, ruining my planned summer vacation, thank you very much. It appears that even President Bush is backing off from his full support for Israel, which will undoubtedly cause a coup d'etat led by former Undersecretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz, Senator Joseph Lieberman (D(R?)(I?)(Ahole?)-CT), and Jackie Mason.
- Mitt Romney and his hair are attempting to take over the probe into the Big Dig tunnel accident that killed a woman in Boston earlier this week. Unfortunately, he plans on running the probe from a picnic in Iowa. Hundreds of loose bolts were found throughout the dig project, a fact that wins the "Most predictable discovery of the past 10 years" award, previously given to President Bush's admission that he doesn't read the newspaper.
- Ok, so its not news but I had some blood work done yesterday, and the technician was, to say the least, a bit eccentric. Whisky (his real name) thought that he knew me and asked me: "How's your friend? The one with the robot?" When I explained to him that he was mistaken and that we did not know each other, nor did I know anyone with a robot, he realized his error and said, "Oh you look like that dude from Saved by the Bell. No, not Zack. Not Screech. AC Slater, that's it. You look like AC Slater." That's Albert Clifford to you, Whisky.
- War continues in the Middle East, where the Lebanese have ceased flexing nuts and are calling for a cease fire with Israel. Israel has effectively destroyed the Beirut airport, ruining my planned summer vacation, thank you very much. It appears that even President Bush is backing off from his full support for Israel, which will undoubtedly cause a coup d'etat led by former Undersecretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz, Senator Joseph Lieberman (D(R?)(I?)(Ahole?)-CT), and Jackie Mason.
- Mitt Romney and his hair are attempting to take over the probe into the Big Dig tunnel accident that killed a woman in Boston earlier this week. Unfortunately, he plans on running the probe from a picnic in Iowa. Hundreds of loose bolts were found throughout the dig project, a fact that wins the "Most predictable discovery of the past 10 years" award, previously given to President Bush's admission that he doesn't read the newspaper.
- Ok, so its not news but I had some blood work done yesterday, and the technician was, to say the least, a bit eccentric. Whisky (his real name) thought that he knew me and asked me: "How's your friend? The one with the robot?" When I explained to him that he was mistaken and that we did not know each other, nor did I know anyone with a robot, he realized his error and said, "Oh you look like that dude from Saved by the Bell. No, not Zack. Not Screech. AC Slater, that's it. You look like AC Slater." That's Albert Clifford to you, Whisky.
posted by quint at 11:23 AM
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