A Very Special Thursday News Roundup

- Charles Barkley is mulling a run for Governor of Alabama in 2010. Awesome.

The answer? Every white guy in Alabama. Good luck, Chuck.

- Al Queda commented on the Israeli-Hezbollah standoff, releasing a crudely produced and typically hilarious videotape claiming that they would get involved. They're probably serious, so that's bad news.

- Prince filed for divorce from his second wife. Wait, wife? What? A Prince spokesman acknowledged an impending marriage to N'Sync member Lance Bass.

- And finally, Exxon Mobil, former employer of noted fatso Lee Raymond, posted over $10 billion in profits this quarter. Oil prices are at a record high, and gas is still selling for $3 a gallon. Their income went up over 35% this quarter. I don't feel well.