Friday News Roundup

- Political ghouls everywhere had to sheath their claws as it seemed Senator Tim Johnson (D-angerously close to causing a 50-50 split in the Senate) got through his brain hemorrhage surgery safely. Rampant speculation had South Dakota Governor Mike Rounds appointing a replacement for Johnson, President Bush declaring a war on brain hemorrhage surgeries, and Harry Reid choking the brain hemorrhage.

- The legislature in New Jersey approved Gay unions in that state. The decision comes a bit too late for Vito Spatafore, but just in time for Jim McGreevey to get married, run for another political office, and then humiliate his new family. Everybody wins! Oh, except his new family. And his old family. And the people of New Jersey.

- Senator John Kerry (D-umbass) continues his whirlwind tour of the Middle East, where I'd imagine he's parasailing and eating grape leaves stuffed with caviar. Kerry is in the region trying to embarrass President Bush while simultaneously torpedoing his own national credibility, a traveling roadshow he patented during the 2004 Presidential campaign. God speed!

- There's trouble with Miss USA winner Tara Conner, besides the fact that she is a pageant winner from a pageant that's run by Donald Trump. Apparently, she has been misbehaving in "New York City bars", including getting naked at Scores. Isn't that a stepup from Miss USA?

- A hunter in Wisconsin killed a deer that had 7 legs and male and female reproductive organs. There are so many good parts to the story, but the funniest is that he didn't shoot it, he ran over it with his truck. Because a 7 legged hermaphroditic deer doesn't have the breakaway speed that normal deer have.