Friday News Roundup

- Political ghouls everywhere had to sheath their claws as it seemed Senator Tim Johnson (D-angerously close to causing a 50-50 split in the Senate) got through his brain hemorrhage surgery safely. Rampant speculation had South Dakota Governor Mike Rounds appointing a replacement for Johnson, President Bush declaring a war on brain hemorrhage surgeries, and Harry Reid choking the brain hemorrhage.

- The legislature in New Jersey approved Gay unions in that state. The decision comes a bit too late for Vito Spatafore, but just in time for Jim McGreevey to get married, run for another political office, and then humiliate his new family. Everybody wins! Oh, except his new family. And his old family. And the people of New Jersey.

- Senator John Kerry (D-umbass) continues his whirlwind tour of the Middle East, where I'd imagine he's parasailing and eating grape leaves stuffed with caviar. Kerry is in the region trying to embarrass President Bush while simultaneously torpedoing his own national credibility, a traveling roadshow he patented during the 2004 Presidential campaign. God speed!

- There's trouble with Miss USA winner Tara Conner, besides the fact that she is a pageant winner from a pageant that's run by Donald Trump. Apparently, she has been misbehaving in "New York City bars", including getting naked at Scores. Isn't that a stepup from Miss USA?

- A hunter in Wisconsin killed a deer that had 7 legs and male and female reproductive organs. There are so many good parts to the story, but the funniest is that he didn't shoot it, he ran over it with his truck. Because a 7 legged hermaphroditic deer doesn't have the breakaway speed that normal deer have.

Animals havin sex with 'em

Two posts in a day is becoming more prevalent for me, but only because I browse Drudge and sometimes he really finds hilarious stories. Here are my two favorites of the day (both featuring animals) aside from Nancy Pelosi's bug-eyed ascension to Speakerette of the House and Jack Murtha's bloated descension from Majority Leader:

Animals having sex with 'em
A guy had sex with a deer carcass in Minnesota, and his lawyer claims that the particular act of bestiality is not illegal because the deer was dead. The money quotes from the article, which are mindboggling:

...“The statute does not prohibit one from having sex with a carcass,” Anderson wrote.

Judge Michael Lucci heard the motion Tuesday.

“I’m a little surprised this issue hasn’t been tackled before in another case,” Lucci said.

The Webster’s dictionary defines “animal” as “any of a kingdom of living beings,” Anderson said.

If you include carcasses in that definition, he said, “you really go down a slippery slope with absurd results.”

Anderson argued: When does a turkey cease to be an animal? When it is dead?

When it is wrapped in plastic packaging in the freezer? When it is served, fully cooked?

A judge should decide what the Legislature intended “animal” to mean in the statute, he said. “And the only clear point to draw the line in that definition, I believe, is the point of death.”

Assistant District Attorney James Boughner said the court can use a dictionary to determine the meaning of the word, but it doesn’t have to...

Holy smokes! The District Attorney's name is Boughner, the article used the term slippery slope, and the judge is surprised the issue of a guy having sex with a dead animal hasn't come up before????

Dogs and cats, living together -- mass hysteria!
A cat had six kittens, three of which look like dogs. The cat's husband promptly filed for divorce.