Everybody knows this is nowhere

Well, I've actually had complaints that I haven't been writing nearly enough. No, I'm not talking about imagined throngs of fans eagerly checking my blog on a daily basis, wondering why I haven't posted my latest screed on pop culture, the media, or my most recent love letter to this girl. No, I haven't convinced myself that the Swedish bikini and fellatio team has been disappointed with my production of late, or that anyone's days have really been affected by my laziness. But a friend did tell me this weekend that I haven't been writing enough lately, a concept that a year ago I couldn't even have fathomed.

Over the first 6 months of the blog, I wrote a lot of posts. Too many posts, actually. Some were very bad. I'm sorry, actually. My bad. At any rate, as time went on and I got busier, I found myself spending more time writing about how I never wrote anymore than time writing more. Which, if it wasn't self flagellating and self pitying, would be sort of ironic.

The problem is a familiar one for me -- motivation. Do I want to succeed in writing? Yes. Do I want to be rich? Yes. Do I want to stop worrying about money and cease eating English muffins and rasberry jelly for breakfast? Well, no, because english muffins with rasberry jelly are delicious. Where was I?

I have found myself lost, comedically. My confidence in my jokes, both written and delivered, has waned recently. My stepbrother (who was 12 at the time) told me over the winter, rather bluntly, that I have "become much happier since I got a job and a girlfriend", which is definitely true. I have also become less funny, because my humor has always been a pure function of my dissatisfaction and anger. Sometimes at authority, sometimes at idiocy and lunacy, sometimes at the circumstances in which I found myself, and sometimes at myself. It was a thin line between self-loathing and self awareness which I perfected over the years and finally put to paper.

The point is, I'm back. I'm desperate for a reinvigorated sense of creativity, a new found desire to make fun of things. If it doesn't come naturally, I'm going to force it. Some would say that's a bit melodramatic and pompous, I say that I am about to undertake the greatest creative enterprise in the history of humanity since Mad Libs.