Oh. My. God.

BREAKING: OBAMA MULLING SURPRISE PICK FOR COMMERCE SECRETARY... DEVELOPING

The big news out of Washington today is that President Obama plans on filling the empty post of Cabinet Secretary with a middle of the road New Hampshire Republican Senator and former Governor.  That man?

Other names on the short list include Judge Reinhold, Judge Mills Lane, Judd Hirsch, Naomi Judd, Dredd Scott, Gregg Jefferies, Geoffrey the Giraffe, and Matt Drudge.

*- Thanks to Friend of the Blog McGriff for the heads up

UPDATE: Obama actually considering New Hampshire Senator Judd Gregg, not noted hero Judge Dredd.  Moderately Effed apologizes for the error.

The best thing ever to hit the Boston Globe

Normally I don't like to laugh when someone falls on the ice because I know that within 10-15 minutes, I'm going to fall on the ice myself.  In fact, last night I fell on the ice, marking the third time this winter I've wiped out.  My fall was graceful; I had a good recovery and the several beers I had previously drank masked the pain.  

However, this is hilarious.  A Boston Globe photographer fell on the ice in the financial district, and, while taking a picture of the spot where he fell, WAS ABLE TO CAPTURE ANOTHER MAN FALLING ON THE ICE, in all of its glory.

http://www.boston.com/news/local/gallery/man_with_coffee_slips_on_ice/

This is like that movie Beetlejuice

Courtesy of Wonkette (I love you Sara K. Smith),  I present the scariest photo of the year not involving fish testicles:

Apparently, it's part of the new exhibition at Madam Tussaud's Was Museum/House of Horrors/Tourist receptacle.  Either that, or Jabba the Hut has had Michelle Obama frozen in carbonite and then decapitated her.  Either way, I'm upset.

Oh the fishes will laugh

Not surprisingly, but the fish was a blowfish (rimshot!)

Seriously, it was a blowfish.  

First of all, I had no idea that fish had testicles, but that seems more like my issue so I'll move on. What I don't get is why people continue to eat blowfish or pufferfish -- it's poisonous and if if it's not prepared correctly, you die a painful, if probably comical, death.

I understand thrill seekers; skydivers, bungee jumpers, etc... but isn't there some thrust of adrenaline that accompanies that?  Is there a Japanese guy sitting at a table somewhere, getting psyched up about eating a piece of fish that might kill him?  How good is this fish?  And how good are the testicles?  And how small are the testicles? 

Caught out there

As his impeachment trial began in the Illinois State Senate, embattled Governor Rod Blagojevich (D-oes anyone want a fucking Senate seat) announced today during his appearance on Good Morning America that he considered appointing Oprah Winfrey to Barack Obama's Senate seat, because "fucking bitch got a lot of money".

Rod said he ultimately went with narcissist Roland Burris, because he decided that the Oprah pick would have been too much of a gimmick and that she would not have accepted it, and that "wait I'm making this up as I'm going along who the fuck am I talking about?  Jerry Springer would have been a great Senator.  Go fuck yourself."

I need you like Ben Affleck needs acting school

You just can't let the spotlight shine off can you, Rod? 

Everyone knows Blagojevich loves to make historical references -- quoting Tennison while running through a blizzard and all, but I think I'm a little lost with this one.   He claims that the sneak attack by Pat Fitzgerald and his kamikaze US Attorneys, which, gasp, also happened in early December, reminded him of the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor which killed 2400 Americans.  Seriously. This wasn't Jason Sudeikis on Saturday Night Live or Keith Olbermann huffing and puffing his way through a special note.  Blagojevich said that his arrest was like Pearl Harbor.

Of course, he must have been referring to the Michael Bay film, Pearl Harbor, which is exactly like Rod Blagojevich in that it sucks.

See me, only me

Meet the new boss, diametrically opposed to the old boss.

I am not a good enough writer, speaker, or human being to articulate the emotion I felt yesterday.  It was something other than happiness, something other than joy.  It was not relief, or optimism.  It was a feeling that I have never experienced.  It was something, like, being full?