A fresh start over, different hand to play

Speaker of the House Denny "Jabba" Hastert (R-Tatooine) said today that he would dismiss anyone on his staff found to have covered up anything about Mark Foley (R-Nambla, ret.) and his conduct with Congressional pages.

While you're mulling that over, Moderately Effed reminds you to tune in to Moderately Effed TV tonight at 9 p.m. for another episode of our critically acclaimed retrospective, Republicans Who Ignore the Blinking Neon Arrow Blatantly Pointing Right at Them. Tonight, Quint narrates "Dick Cheney, Head of the 2000 Vice Presidential Selection Committee." That's tonight at 9 on METV.

In related news, White House Press Secretary Tony Snow today called the Clinton Administration's handling of North Korea "appeasement," calmly laying blame for our current, pants-shittingly scary situation on someone who left office six years ago.

And finally, noted hott femmale actorr Scarlett Johansson has this to say about relationships in the upcoming November issue of Allure magazine: "I do think on some basic level we are animals, and by instinct we kind of breed accordingly." In related news, I'm going to change my pants.