Friday News Roundup

Once again, welcome to The Winter of Our Content.

- Good old Heebie Macaca conceded to Jim Webb in the Virginia US Senate race yesterday, giving control of the Senate to the Democrats. Allen of course appeared at his concession speech with a football and a hangman's noose. Commented Webb: "I can't believe I won considering how little respect I have for women. I mean, wow."

"I'm fucking pissed! How do you think I feel, obscure racial slur for African-American that I hope no one here understands!"

- With the Senate and House now firmly in the hands of the most likely incompetent Democratic leadership, Republican National Committee Chairman, former Bush/Cheney 04 campaign manager, and noted homo Ken Mehlman is stepping down from his post at the RNC. Mehlman is shown here in a hilarious file photo, contemplating god knows what:

- And the revolving door in the administration continues, as mustachioed walrus John Bolton will not get past his Senate confirmation, and will most likely end up making millions in the private sector and yelling at a whole new breed of employee. His replacement? Yosemite Sam.

- And finally, I would be remiss if I didn't mention the biggest story of the week, nay, the year, nay, the decade. Britney Spears and K-Fed (now dubbed by the media as Fed-Ex) have split up, with Britney apparently attempting to divorce him before she was responsible for buying his white trash ass another year's worth of sneakers and wife beaters. K-Fed is seeking custody of their two future coke addict children, as well as sneaker money, while Britney is seeking the erasure of her memory for the past two years and a full body delousing.