The Final Countdown
The Republicans gather in Florida tonight for what will most likely be the last time these 5 good friends get together until Their 10 year reunion in 2018 (McCain will be 104). Rudy goes into the debate in full desperation mode, Huckabee goes in completely broke, Ron Paul goes in still crazy and slightly more racist, Romney goes in with a full head of steam after getting his microchips reinstalled, and John McCain goes in with a hop in his step after a key endorsement from Sly Stallone.
That's right, Sly Stallone. The only person involved in this race who looks older than John McCain.
In terms of celebrity endorsements, now we've got:
- Huckabee: Chuck Norris, Ted Nugent, Chuck Norris' right fist, Chuck Norris' beard
- McCain: Sly Stallone, Curt Schilling, Wilford Brimley (not a joke)
- Giuliani: His current mistress, Tom Selleck, Bernie Kerik's mistress, Adam Sandler
- Romney: Tagg Romney, Josh Romney, Ben Romney, Matt Romney, Craig Romney
- Ron Paul: Ann Romney
There are some expectations of “fireworks”, “mudslinging”, and “sharp elbows”, and that’s just the postgame show with Chris Matthews and Joe Scarborough. The recent Times article shed a little light on the race; apparently all the other candidates hate Mitt because he’s rich and his family is part of an Aryan super-race and he will say whatever it takes to get elected. Rudy is in a last ditch effort to remind Republican voters that he is running for President, so expect him to go nasty (AKA go Giuliani) on McCain and Romney, who are pretty much co-frontrunners right now. Huckabee is just excited to be in a location that he doesn’t have to spend any campaign funds on, and he will go after Romney very aggressively. McCain will do the same, and then smile awkwardly. Ron Paul will remind us all to treasure our mental health.
That's right, Sly Stallone. The only person involved in this race who looks older than John McCain.
In terms of celebrity endorsements, now we've got:
- Huckabee: Chuck Norris, Ted Nugent, Chuck Norris' right fist, Chuck Norris' beard
- McCain: Sly Stallone, Curt Schilling, Wilford Brimley (not a joke)
- Giuliani: His current mistress, Tom Selleck, Bernie Kerik's mistress, Adam Sandler
- Romney: Tagg Romney, Josh Romney, Ben Romney, Matt Romney, Craig Romney
- Ron Paul: Ann Romney
There are some expectations of “fireworks”, “mudslinging”, and “sharp elbows”, and that’s just the postgame show with Chris Matthews and Joe Scarborough. The recent Times article shed a little light on the race; apparently all the other candidates hate Mitt because he’s rich and his family is part of an Aryan super-race and he will say whatever it takes to get elected. Rudy is in a last ditch effort to remind Republican voters that he is running for President, so expect him to go nasty (AKA go Giuliani) on McCain and Romney, who are pretty much co-frontrunners right now. Huckabee is just excited to be in a location that he doesn’t have to spend any campaign funds on, and he will go after Romney very aggressively. McCain will do the same, and then smile awkwardly. Ron Paul will remind us all to treasure our mental health.
posted by quint at 4:43 PM
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