A Very Special Tuesday News Roundup

- Michael Richards, best known for his hilarious cameo in So I Married An Ax Murderer, apparently flipped the fuck out. While doing standup on Friday night in Los Angeles, he was heckled by two black guys, to which Richards inexplicable responded by calling them niggers and hearkening back to the 1950’s south. Bob Sacamano expressed deep disappointment.

- Fox cancelled the publishing of OJ Simpson’s confession book and TV special, citing an error in judgement in commissioning the project to begin with. Simpson, however, stands by murdering Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman.

- John Kerry has slipped in the polls for President in 2008 in the aftermath his verbal gaffe insulting American troops. He recently clarified it again, claiming he meant to say "you need to study hard, or else you'll run unsuccessfully for President, make a complete ass out of yourself, and then flail wildly trying to maintain relevance."

"He'd be Orenthal the bus driving murderer"

The Juice is back in the news, this time confirming a rumor of a news story that broke a while back -- he will appear on Fox TV in an interview with book publisher/Bernie Kerik mistress/absolute bitch Judith Regan, where he will discuss how he would have killed Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman, if he had committed the murders.

There is significant conjecture about what technique OJ would have used, although my guess is he would have done it EXACTLY THE SAME WAY HE DID IT the first time, except this time he wouldn't have left his bloody glove, a trail of blood leading to his house, blood in his car, more iterations of blood, a note with the bodies that said, "Sorry Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman for murdering you, Love, OJ", and a book, "Murdering Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman and Me: It is my bag, baby" by OJ Simpson.

Fox toyed with the title of the interview, trying to incorporate in their normal themes of midget/millionaire marriages and and alien autopsies while watching Cops, but eventually settled on: "O.J. Simpson: If I Did It, Here's How It Happened", beating out their second choice, "O.J. Simpson: I Did It, Here's How It Happened". Some of the other rejected titles:

"O.J. Simpson: Here's to you, Double Jeopardy! Also, I did it."
"O.J. Simpson: I am trying to drive Fred Goldman insane. I also did it."
"O.J. Simpson: I still have my Heisman. And I did it."
"O.J. Simpson: When does this check clear? By the way, I did it."