Friday News Roundup

- President Bush is visiting Vietnam this week. I can't even come with an appropriate enough ironic joke here, so I'll just come out and say it: PRESIDENT BUSH DODGED THE DRAFT, WENT AWOL FROM THE THE NATIONAL GUARD, AND HAS SPENT SIX YEARS WAR MONGERING AND SMEARING PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY WENT TO WAR, GOT WOUNDED, AND ONE GUY WHO LOST BOTH LEGS AND AN ARM. All right, I feel much better now.

- All right, not done yet. The President said that the US could draw lessons from Vietnam for our current war in Iraq. The lessons? Get your rich and powerful dad to bail you out of fighting and then get drunk and high and have sex with lots of women, then get married, get sober, find Jesus, buy a baseball team, run for Governor, steal the Presidency, invade a country, and then send poor people to get stuck in war against people who are exceptionally determined to win. So... I guess the lessons are for the President's nephew, Pierce Bush? Haha, know what I'm sayin?

- The Playstation 3 was released last night, causing a near riot at a mall in Boston, a shooting in Connecticut, and also awkward encounters between 35 year-olds who still live with their parents.

- Ohio Representative John Boehner was again tabbed by the House Republicans to be their Minority Leader, to which he responded, "For the last time, it's pronounce BAY-ner". Barney Frank expressed disappointment.