Too lazy to come up with clever title

My friend and former lover McGriff asked me to write a post about the New Jersey Nets' chances to make it out of the Eastern Conference today, a story which I was excited to write until I got completely bored and unmotivated with it. So instead I decided to write about some of the interesting happenings of the week.

- Queen Elizabeth Approximately


RECAP: Queen visits US, Bush insults her by insinuating that she is 280 years old, and first visited the US in 1776. She clarifies by saying her "first trip to colonies was for that poor chap Lincoln's funeral."

- A Jihad of Bushian incompetence



RECAP: We have now seen the equivalent of what would happen if the Bush administration tried to take up international terror, as six numbskulls in New Jersey decided they were going to attack an army base and kill some soldiers. At least put a little thought into it, guys! The best part? They were captured, when, and I can't believe I am writing this, they took a video of them practicing for the raid and brought it to a store to have it transferred to DVD. Wow. Just wow.


- My b-b-b-birthday

RECAP: I turned 27 yesterday, my most inconsequential birthday since 21. I feel literally nothing about the occasion with the exception of fat because of all the cake I have had over the past 4 days. Am I simply on a collision course with 30 that will render all interim birthdays irrelevant? Is there a way to skip 30 and go right to a mid-life crisis, a nice car, and banging 26 year old girls? How about skip right to retirement, a couple million in an IRA and a house by the lake? What's with all this filler in between?