Call it predictable

Oh, CNN, you stupid slut.

I don't know why I'm surprised when CNN writes a dumb headline, but this one particularly got me, like I'm supposed to read the Yankee fan part and suddenly say, "Oh, that explains it." Now, if he was a Detroit Tiger fan, maybe then I'd buy it.

CNN's unintentionally hilarious headline generator (CNNUHHG) is a very discerning and secretive machine, that only produces the very stupidest news stories with the most sensationalist language for final approval. Moderately Effed's inside sources did provide these finalists for one of tomorrow's headlines:


- FBI: VA Tech shooter had Subway sandwich punch card
- Casual rugby fan Muqtada Al Sadr remains at large
- BTK Killer: "Rock, Chalk, Jayhawk!"
- Ahmadinejad can't believe Rachel was kicked of Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Inferno III

You overdid it holmes, you in the danger zone

For those of you not watching or reading the news this week, I'll give you a rundown:

- Iran fopnapped 15 British sailors who were supposedly in Iranian waters
- Sailors are safe and healthy, in cigarette and Earl Gray withdrawal
- Tony Blair is pissed
- Anna Nicole Smith overdosed

This is really an incredibly story, because if this happened five years ago, George Bush would be displaying President Ahmadinejad's head on a platter at the White House. Today? We just don't have the mojo. Iran knows that Britain and the US don't have the capabilities very well invade or take truly drastic measures, so it might as well take the opportunity to flex nuts, get some press, fire up the hardliners, and tweek Blair and Bush.

So, this crisis will go on for a week, much like the Chinese showdown in 2001, and eventually result in the British getting their soldiers back, safe and sound, because even Mahmoud is not stupid enough to kill them. Perfect timing for the Iranians, though; the UN decides on sanctions just as this whole affair is shaking out, and they get to say to the world that they still hold some power.

However, Mahmoud could be horribly wrong and the US and Britain could launch strikes on Tehran, ultimately invade and then plunge Iran into a religious and cultural civil war, the likes of which we have not seen in the Middle East since.... March 19, 2003. But what are the odds of that?

Put my pants on one leg at a time

Is the only prescription:

A) More Cowbell?
B) Less Cowbell?
C) The status quo amount of cowbell?
D) An environmentally sound economy and stricter carbon dioxide emission standards?

Before you call me any dirty names, you better think twice

The cultural elite over at the New York Post had some fun with Photoshop today (seriously guys, don't you have a better graphic artist? It's clearly the same monkey), blasting the Iraq Study Group for suggesting that US forces should leave Iraq. Let us bask in the glow of the intelligence of Niles Lathem and the New York Post news division. Oh, the poll at the bottom of the front page of their website today? Another example of cutting and running:

It's always fun when both the left and the right come out against something the way that many on both sides have come out swinging against the Iraq Study Group report. The Democrats exulted the report before it was released and now some on the left are backpedaling from it. President Bush predictably treated it with kid gloves and now has Tony Snow suggesting that Baker and Hamilton have ostensibly coopted and embraced the Bush administration's position on Iraq.

Here are a couple of musings:

- Aren't there any other retired Democratic Congressman with foreign policy credentials? Seriously, Lee Hamilton is everywhere! Has he become the Peter North of national commissions?

- I was hoping so much that President Bush would accuse James Baker of supporting "cut and run", causing Baker to grow his fangs and bite the President in the neck, and then ultimately resulting in a George HW Bush tearfest. But, alas.

- Tony Snow rejected the Report's call to engage with Syria and Iran, saying that such diplomacy would delay the administration's plans to invade both countries and plunge the entire Middle East into "a pit of burning hellfire, a pre apocalytpic nightmare, and the ultimate descension and reascension of the Messiah. Helen, I may have said too much."

Uh oh