Thursday, August 31, 2006

Be more gone than Freeman

Moderately Effed will be taking a break until next week as I enjoy some beach time, and most likely some rain, on Cape Cod. I will, however, leave you with the following picture, courtesy of loyal reader and noted Steve Guttenberg lookalike Phil, who noticed this sign in front of a fraternal organization in Glen Head, NY, and quickly snapped a photo:


Thank you Phil, for providing this hilariously accurate photo, but for also helping me get to 2000 site visits (which I hit during the night). I installled the site tracker in March, so I don't know if 10 million people visited before that, but I do know and appreciate that I have friends out there who read this space either out of interest or pity. And quite frankly, I'll take it.

See you next week!

UPDATE: Kudos to PK for pointing out this New York Times editorial. Sounds eerily familiar to this. And the stretching of my ego continues.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Big Love

We are once again all witnesses to CNN's unintentionally hilarious headline generator:



You don't say...

The machines became self aware

I'm entering a writing contest on a website, and one of the assignments is to write a faux news article about Google buying Uganda. Here is my submission:

KAMPALA-Uganda (Reuters) -- In a surprising move, web giant Google announced the purchase the African nation Uganda, and the relocation of all of citizens to the company's corporate campus in Mountain View, California.

"We feel that in order to stay ahead of sweeping changes in the market, we knew that we were going to have to get into the country buying business sooner or later," Google CEO Dr. Eric Schmidt said in an interview with the Business Week, " Uganda fits all of our needs. It's been very undervalued as a commodity."

"I am disappointed, to say the least," Ugandan President Yoweri Kaguta Museveni said at a press conference yesterday, "I mean, can they do that? Aren't we sovereign? I'm going to have to check with my lawyers."

While financial terms of the deal have yet to be released, industry experts expect Google to pay a substantial amount to purchase the East African country, which has an area of over 91,000 square miles and a population of over 27 million. JP Morgan analyst Winston Covington did not speculate on the potential figure, commenting "We don't have significant experience gauging the price of Africans. Lately."

"I'm not sure where they're going to go," Mountain View Mayor Nick Galiotto said. "We just cleared some space by the old football field to build a new WalMart. I guess we could squeeze them in over there. Wait, how many million?"

President Bush and California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger both applauded Google's decision, citing it as a sign of the booming American economy, as well as an increasingly global world. "We welcome the 27 million people of Uganda to California, and look forward to deporting them once it becomes politically beneficial," Schwarzenegger said.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Yer so bad.... best thing I ever had

(A longtime fantasy complete: Bill Clinton at a Mets game.)

I was 12 when President Clinton was elected, and in many ways, his election was my full fledged graduation into the political life. Well, the winning political life, because I remember very clearly wearing my mother's "Dump Reagan" t shirt in 1984 and writing an oped for my third grade newspaper endorsing Michael Dukakis in 1998. As a side note, the opposing oped endorsing George Bush praised the sitting Vice President but admitted that didn't mean Dukakis was a "scumbag".

I'll admit that at 12 I didn't pay too much attention to the primary process; the most crystallized of memories of the 1992 campaign come from the SNL skits that parodied Paul Tsongas, Jerry Brown, Clinton, Bush, and H. Ross Perot. And along with the spotty memories of the political details came the spotty memories, and perharps purposefly spotty memories, of Clinton's personal "details". I dont remember paying much attention to the marijuana question, the draft dodging, or the women.

The reasons for that are pretty intuitive, I suppose; at 12 how morally discerning are you? So I either glazed over those things or didn't really notice them at all, and focused on the town he was from: Hope. Here was this man, who grew up poor just like me, and was smart, just like me, and had a chubby childhood, just like me, and was just elected President. Even now, six years after he left office, when I think of the things that his Presidency brought to bear, I don't think of policies or actions, wars or peaces; it's much more nebulous than all of that. I asked a friend recently what good she thought came out of Clinton's administration, and, without hesitation, said: "Hope."
Six years later my adoration was still true; there wasn't a man or woman inside or outside of politics that I respected and, ostensibly, idolized, than Bill Clinton. He had knocked back Republican leadership desperate to end his presidency and won a triumphant reelection campaign running on positivity. And still he believed in a town called hope.
My tried and true allegiance, however, buckled as impeachment advanced. It was now difficult to justify and equivocate the moral wrongdoings that we had all allowed to brushed under the carpet before; now he had lied to the American people, and forcefully so. From my narrow and selfish lenses, he lied directly to me. And watching his testimony where he played the eloquent and evasive master was like watching George Costanza. He believed he was right, just, and above it all. Bulletproof. And, just like Costanza, he had convinced himself that he was telling the truth: "It's not a lie if you believe it."
This betrayal, regardless of how it was so much not any of my business, hurt more than most things that have ever happened to me. That's sad within itself; I don't know this man and I will never know this man with the exception of a handshake at some future fundraiser. How could he hurt me more than my parents, friends, or girlfriends? I have no answer to that question except to say that he could. My idealism suffered its first blow, and in retrospect, probably its worst, at the hands of a man whom I trusted, and idolized, and idealized.
My thoughts often drift to Robert and John Kennedy, to Franklin and Theodore Roosevelt, to Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, and George Washington. To true leaders who inspired actions, participation, and sacrifice. To good men, who, despite their moral flaws, led America through the dark and into the light. And in many ways Clinton's legacy will be defined by his flaws and not his successes; had he faced a foe like communism, nazism, or slavery, instead of his own demons and his political enemies, maybe the history books of the future would paint a different picture. Still, though, it is so very much disappointing that while our grandparents had FDR and our parents had JFK and RFK, we had Clinton. Just so disappointing.
But his mistakes and his disappointments withstanding, he is still able to move me. To inspire me, to motivate me, to remind me of hope. Of a story of hope; of perserverance and fire in the belly. Of charisma and oratory, of energy and compassion. When Clinton was President, there was never a moment where I doubted his ability to make things better. I doubted him as a man. Maybe that's my own flawed character needing and seeking perfection from a leader; I've convinced myself that his lying was what angered me and let me down and not the sex, but maybe it was his moral mistakes that did it. In my head, the President is supposed to be superior to me, and, ideally, superior to everyone. So these common man mistakes shook my ideals. They gave me so many doubts.
My thought process is a strange one. I've certainly never been an optimist, in fact I'm probably the furthest thing from an optimist without actually being suicidal. But my political idealism was always off that track; I believed in the ability of leaders and candidates. I had hope. I know that a lot of that died with Clinton, some more with Gore, and in a lot of ways, the final nail was President Bush's reelection in 2004. How are we supposed to be motivated for change when we can't exact it? And how can we trust our leaders again? Bill Clinton looked me right in the eye and lied to me. How does idealism survive?
All that being said, I still run to the television when he's making a speech or appearing on a television show. His picture still makes me happy and makes me long for a time when I had hope. Clinton, to me, has become an estranged parent; the father who always said the right thing but often did the wrong thing. In his case, words always spoke louder than actions; no matter what he did, I always came back home.

Monday, August 28, 2006

I want to be on you Vol. 2


Dear girl who models different ironic one size too small t-shirts on Myspace each week:

I've missed you! Did you get my letter dated May 22, 2006?

First of all, I'm glad to see that you've branched out your movie choices from Anchorman to include Animal House and Old School. Excellent. Now all I need is for you to reference Jaws and Rounders and I think I'll have to propose.

Also, you should check out the new Tom Petty album. It's not really topical to anything we've discussed previously, but its really great.

Sincerely,
Dave

Thursday, August 24, 2006

What the hell is Goofy?

A global conference of astronomers stripped Pluto of its planetary status today. Sources say the demotion was due to steroid use. Regardless, Pluto is no longer a planet. It has been reclassified as a playful cartoon dog and friend to Mickey Mouse.



In actuality, Pluto will now be called a "dwarf planet", which seems slightly politically incorrect. Conservatives everywhere are up in arms, decrying "activist astronomers" trying to "legislate planetary science".

You are exactly the same as you used to be

Sometimes when I take stock of myself and my life, I often feel optimistic about how far I've come. From the nerdly high school freshman to the funny and well liked high school senior. From the nerdly college freshman to the funny and well liked college senior. From the overconfident yet insecure recent graduate to the overconfident yet insecure not so recent graduate.

So, I've made a lot of steps forward in my life since I became an "adult". I'm funnier, I'm better with people, I'm better with women (although not lately) and I believe I'm less arrogant. Although probably not that much less arrogant. So it's with all those things in mind that I had this 36 hour period Tuesday and Wednesday:

Tuesday - 8:10 AM: Fall, for absolutely no reason, off the curb in front of the Porter Square Star Market, slicing up my knee and ripping a hole in my favorite pair of pants.

Wednesday -- 6:10 PM: Get into fight with Filene's Basement changing room woman after forgetting my clothing number thing in the fitting room, which, by the way, has no individual stalls. No need for dignity in the Basement.

Wednesday -- 11:00PM: Get off the T and into my apartment and discover that my pants (just recently moved up to my favorite pair after Tuesday's debacle) are completely covered in soot, tar, and another unidentifiable material from the escalator.

So, no matter how high I reach, how high I climb, how well I seemingly do, I'm still the same klutz who broke his ankle Senior year of high school slipping on a wet bathroom floor.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Don't call it a comeback


Just one day after I noticed what seemed like the first recent mainstream mention of the man who killed thousands of Americans, CNN comes at us with possibly the most intuitive poll ever.

In other news, water is still wet.

By the way, I would love to see the crosstabs of this poll. Who are the people who don't think Bin Laden is planning another US attack? Is that group entirely made of President Bush's national security team?

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Please, remember me

President Bush held one of his ever increasing in frequency press conferences, where he discussed the bumps in the national road known as the Iraq War and urged the American public to maintain their support for the War in Iraq. Since only 35% of Americans seem to actually support the War in Iraq, it seems very likely that the President's with will come true.

This last week of news coverage ot me thinking, though. Does anyone remember this guy?


So, in the last week we've got 24 hour coverage of a sex tourist disguised as a child murderer and his flight back to the United States, a homeless killer running around Virginia Tech (no it wasn't Marcus Vick), K-Fed, and aluminum bats.

So it was with great shock this morning when I read Christiane Amanpour's column on cnn.com talking about how big of a threat Osama Bin Laden still was. First, it took me a while to remember who Osama Bin Laden was. Wait... Oh, right. Then, I thought: The President asked for Osama dead or alive. Apparently what he really meant was alive, and in some cave somewhere still plotting attacks against America and its allies. Then, I thought: Hey, whatever happened to Natalee Holloway? Then, I turned on Greta Van Susteren's show and was lulled to sleep by Fox News Alerts.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Why and what's the reason for?

I have been at my job for just over two months, but in that time I have grown close to one of my coworkers, who last week asked me to help him move. A lot of people would view that as a level jump in the relationship; the ultimate gesture in male friendship. Like the Seinfeld and Mets fan that I am, my thoughts immediately went to Keith Hernandez and his antique furniture, and when a friend referenced Seinfeld when questioning my decision to help this relatively new friend move, I responded in the only way that I knew how: "I'm not driving him to the airport!"

So, on Saturday, I woke at 8:15 hungover, and was picked up and brought to move his entire three bedroom house, including four beds, an entertainment center that belonged in Cribs, and a television that weighed, conservatively, abotu 250 pounds. 10 hours later, we had loaded and unloaded the moving truck, and I had nearly killed my coworkers cousin by tripping him on a lawnmower. I got dropped off at my house, and a few hours later met a friend for some drinks. She asked me what I had been doing during the day:

"Oh, I was helping a coworker move."
"Wow. Did he pay you?"
"No."
"What? Are you crazy?"
"He needed help."
"Well, did he at least buy you a beer?"

The incredulousness was not limited to this one friend; several people I spoke to about my weekend plans were just as surprised that I was planning on spending my entire Saturday, and throwing off my whole weekend, helping someone I really don't know that well move their entire house.

My answer?

I couldn't come up with an excuse not to quickly enough.

In retrospect, here were some options:

"I'll be away that weekend."
"I'm already helping someone else move."
"Will there be girls there?"
"I don't want to."
"I have multiple sclerosis."
"I don't like you."
"What's in it for me?"
"Will there be girls there?"
"I don't speak English."
"I'm afraid of cardboard boxes."

So, alas, I was struck down by a lack of creativity -- an inability to think on my feet. Sure, that's what happened.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Friday News Roundup

- Senator George Allen (R-acist) of Virginia really stepped into it this week, when he referred to opponent Jim Webb's dark skinned tracker as a "macaca" (A North African derogatory term for monkey) and welcome him to America. Too bad just because he was of Indian heritage he was actually born in Virginia. Whoops. Allen's bad. Overall, it's pretty exciting. Not every day do you get a candidate for President saying something racist. Wait.

- President Bush gave an uplifting speech to the State Department about the Israel-Lebanon cease fire, and implored observers to take a "look-see" after a period of time. He also asked for people to take a "gander", a "peep", and a "squint". Then he got on top of his car and drove to Beverly Hills.

- A man arrested in Thailand has claimed that he killed JonBenet Ramsay in December of 1996. In response, JonBenet's father said: "Wait, that's impossible. I killed her. He's lying."

- And finally, Snakes on a Plane premieres in theaters today, and I happened to catch the early show last night at 10:00PM at the Assembly Square Cinemas in Somerville. Oh wow. Not only were people dressed up as stewardesses and pilots and other various snake victims, but there were plastic snakes being thrown throughout the theater and the most heckling I have ever seen at any public event. It was, in a word, awesome.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Numbers

My second post on this space was about the various political blogs that I read, with specific focus on the Daily Kos, better known as the "Whiney lefty nutbag meaningless issue chorus". Go, Ned Lamont!

Since that time, I have begun to read several other blogs, most of which claim to be humor blogs commenting on social situations or journal style blogs going on about how depressed, popular, lonely, or busy they are, often in the same post, which is confusing and possibly schizophrenic. I stumbled upon the nexus of New York City blogs, and have been soaked in petulance, arrogance, and mental insanity ever since. Check out http://www.nycbloggers.com/ for just a sampling of exactly what I'm talking about. Normally I would feel bad about giving these people blog traffic, but the 11 people who read this every day aren't going to make these guys millionaires.

Which brings me to the point of this post: Why do I only have 11 readers? When I started writing this, it wasn't an attempt to become an internet celebrity or even particularly well read: I have always been a writer of some sort and I wanted to keep sharp and funny, anxiously waiting for that big day to come around when I would save Jon Stewart's life in a tragic blimp accident and get hired onto the Daily Show writing staff.

But after reading some of these horrendous New York blogs, a lot of which aren't funny, insightful or interesting yet get tens of thousands of hits each month, I am clueless as to how to crack in to their level of popularity. Here's what I've come up with:


1) Nudity/Sex talk
Maybe mine, maybe someone else's. Preferably someone else's, for everyone's sake. Nudity/sex is the best way to sell a product, so I don't see why embedding naked pictures of women into my blog won't drive traffic up significantly. Second, I will make sure to use the word debauchery in every post, because having six beers and then getting a slice of pizza at Ray's is like spending a week in Bangkok. Finally, I will freely talk about my sex life: I have none.

2) Cursing
Apparently cursing sporadically throughout your blog entries means that you are talented and funny. Using Fuck as a modifier, emphasized noun, and verb erases all need for creativity, humor, and innovation. So... holy fuck! Why the fuck wouldn't I want to head to that fucking bar? It's full of fucking girls, all of whom want to fuck me! Fuck!

3) Lists
A little meta, yes, but since humans not only pine for recognition but also have the attention span of fruit flies, maybe I should only write entries in list form, to hold the attention of my "readers" and to neatly compartmentalize my ramblings.

4) Emotional Breakdowns
Apparently the way to attract thousands of readers is to talk about the deepest darkest secrets that you have never told anyone in real life. So, here goes: I have a gambling problem. There, I've said it. I expect my traffic to spike to at least 20 readers by end of business today.

So, there you have it. Four easy steps destined to crack me into the upper echelon of the blogosphere. I will anxiously await the increase in readership and eventual book deals and orgies that come with it.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

That Old Hippie Highway

While visiting home this weekend, I had the chance to attend a Crosby Stills Nash & Young concert. No, I didnt travel to Monticello in a time machine; an uber rich developer built an outdoor concert hall on the site of the original Woodstock concert, and Crosby Stills & Nash played in 1969 so they came back and played in 2006, this time with a ringer of a bench player, Neil Young.

I love Neil Young. Harvest and After the Gold Rush are in my top ten favorite albums ever. I know that he, to put it lightly, is a bit of an acquired taste. An ex once asked, "Who's that guy with the bad voice that you like?" So for me, a chance to see Neil Young, despite the looming broken voices of Crosby, Stills, and Nash, was something I couldn't pass up. And the concert was good, although quite predictably, Young was by far the standout, both in his energy level and vocal ability. My mom put it best: "Way too much Crosby and Nash, not nearly enough Young."

So now Neil Young is knocked off my list of classic rock concerts I have to attend; I've done Dylan and Springsteen -- only the Stones and the Who are left. But Keith Richards or Pete Townshend might drop dead any day now and I think Roger Daltrey at this point is made out of clay, so this was probably my last big show of the 60's/70's.

Aside from Young's performance, the concert made me think about the protest movement in the 60's vs. the protest movement now. The average age of the concert goers, probably harkening back to when they attended a CSNY concert in the late 60's or early 70's, was probably 58. So these people lived right through a war; many of them probably served or had brothers or friends who served in Vietnam, and the energy and agreement with the Vietnam era protest songs like Ohio was noticeable. What was also noticeable, at least to me, was the disconnect with the young people, both at the concert and the ones I encounter on a daily basis.

Sure, many of us are angry at President Bush and his good time buddies. In fact, 60% of the American public disagree with the war, and Bush's approval rating hasn't cracked 40 in many months. We've got nearly 3,000 dead American soldiers, tens of billions of dollars spent, an overstretched military with North Korea and Iran looming, and still we have the majority of the youth in America complacent -- sitting on their hands, watching television and listening to their Ipods.

The question is: why? First, I have to give a lot of credit to the Bush administration of blurring the line between 911 and Iraq. Violent Islamic fundamentalism is a threat, much like communism was, but Iraq, and Vietnam like it, is not and was not the correct or just battleground. But, aside from the screaming and thus viewed as crazy liberal minority, Iraq war protests are nothing more than fodder for conservative commentators and the White House Press Secretary. And despite how much we wish is were so, the disapproval of Bush and the Iraq War has done little yet to change the political tide, with the possible exception of Ned Lamont beating Joe Lieberman last week. Even if the Democrats sputter their way into congressional power in November, it will largely be due to Republican incompetence and circumstance, and little to do with a wave of activism.

The second reason is there is no draft. Personal motivation usually trumps all political and social motivation, so despite the deaths of thousands or our countryman, the 21 year old who would have been drafted in 1968 is instead spending his summer bartending or at an internship. With the exception of those small amounts of people willing to demonstrate and protest even without a threat to them personally, the youth activists of the 1960's have simply become too comfortable and safe to get involved.

Sigh. At this point in my life even an event that brings me happiness still makes me search for the touch of grey in the silver lining.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Are you ready for the country?


Well, I'll be taking a brief break from city life and work life and heading home this weekend, so unless something really funny happens, Moderately Effed will be on a break until next week. I plan on doing absolutely nothing while I'm home with the exception of being lectured by my grandmother on my life choices, small accruing IRA, and lack of wife.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Your reign on the top was short like leprechaun

Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, and other guy bringing Connecticut's black population to 3

Senator Joe Lieberman, no more? Ned Lamont squeaked by Joementum 52/48 in last night's primary fight in Connecticut, bringing to fruition the sexual fantasies of the Nutroots in poorly lit basements throughout the United States. Now we're half way to replacing a disloyal Senator with a guy who may or may not understand the legislative process! Hooray!

And, sadly, and predictably, Lieberman believes that Joementum will carry him to a victory in the general election, and will run as an Independent. Great. And the folks over at the Kos et al are committed to fully supporting Lamont, with Daphne himself saying today that he "will help in whatever way I can the Democratic nominee from the Great State of Connecticut." So that means a ton of money requests, etc... all funneling from the activists to Lamont, instead of Sheldon Whitehouse, Sherrod Brown, Jon Tester, Claire Mcaskill, Amy Klobuchar, and Harold Ford. So Lieberman, even in his death knells, continues to screw us.

So, I am pretty disaffected. It's great to see Lieberman lose. It feels fantastic to watch him equivocate and rationalize a loss to a literal and figurative lightweight. This guy ran for President, and was the nominee for Vice President. And he lost to a guy named Ned! That has got to hurt. So I can feel good about that. But, the expectations for Lamont are nonexistent; I don't know what to think about him, about his potential, about his politics, or about his ability. And if Joementum sticks in the race, I don't know what to think about what the Lamont supporters will do; we've got an outside chance to win the Senate, why exert effort on race that is already in the win column regardless?

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

"What kind of bubble? Like an igloo?"


Typically, I can't go a week without something bothering me physically. Usually its a headache (remnants of childhood) or my back, but sometimes its allergies.

My head feels like a sponge. I'm not writing anything more today. Tune in tomorrow for a Joementum post mortem.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Beautiful friend, the end


The Democratic primary for US Senate in Connecticut is tomorrow, and if all the polls hold up to be accurate, political lightweight Ned "Crazy Eyes" Lamont will cruise to a victory over three term incumbent senator, former Presidential and Vice President, and Bar Mitzvah, Joe Lieberman. That's right, Joementum has run its course.

To be honest, I am very happy to see Senator Lieberman booted out of office. He was by far the nastiest campaigner during the 2004 Presidential primary, he has never hesitated to angrily attack another Democrat, he has been the Republicans' go to guy when they search for the answer to the question: "Which Democrat do you respect?" Finally, his staff in the 2004 primaries were also the nastiest; they stole signs and were incredibly verbally vicious. None of that really means anything, because if I was a supporter of Senator Lieberman, I would glaze over all of those things and call him a fighter. I would say he had guts, that he was the kind of Democrat with balls.

Most of the people supporting Ned Lamont, specifically the Nutroots on Markos "Daphne" Zuniga's site, are fighting against Lieberman because he supported the war in Iraq and has been one of its most vocal supporters all along, including his speech to the 2004 Democratic Convention, where it seemed like he got confused and thought he was speaking at the Project for a New American Century Convention. And while I considered myself a supporter of the Iraq War in the beginning, Lieberman never seemed to realize along the way like the rest of us that he or the President had made a mistake, with the exception of the occasional body armor comment.

That all irked me, but the question then becomes, why aren't the nutroots vociferously primarying Hillary Clinton? She's a nationally known figure, she hasn't backed off of her support of invading Iraq, although she has been a little more critical of the administration. So instead of a highly organized Lamont style campaign in New York, we've got Jonathan Tasini running with 15% in the polls. The answer has little to do with the inner workings of the Democratic Party, with strategy or a numbers game or smart politicking; it is personal animous in the nutroots. These folks don't like Lieberman.

And neither do I, which is why I am not upset that he's going to be sent packing back to Connecticut, where he will wind up sitting on the corporate board of a defense contractor and preaching moral fortitude to a whole new generation of eager listeners. I never really got over his bashing of Clinton in 1998, and his moral superiority, while he was in the Senate and when he ran for President, was absolutely nauseating.

So that's fine, we'll kick him out of the Senate, a guy who many may find personally distasteful despite his affable and rather humorous demeanor, largely because we don't like him. I don't have that big of a problem with that, in politics far worse things happen to much better people. It's the breaks, and when you don't hang around your state for a bunch of years and are more popular among Republicans than Democrats, that's what happens.

My problem, though, with all of this, has almost nothing to do with Lieberman. I don't like him, I dont agree with his view on the war, and he made out with President Bush. Putting all of that aside, my big issue with the race is Ned Lamont. And to (painfully) quote Joe Lieberman, "Who is Ned Lamont?" We are about to unseat a three term incumbent Democratic Senator with a guy who served eight years on the Greenwich Board of Selectman, and then had the mind boggling analysis so say that he was just dealing with "potholes" and "streetlights". What kind of confidence is this supposed to instill in the Connecticut electorate? You're voting in a guy to the United States Senate whose political experience consists of zoning ordinances and placing third in a State Senate race in 1990??? Also, he's a millionaire cable executive, whose business largely catered to gated communities. What?

Yeah, so it will be nice to not have to see Joe Lieberman's face on television anymore telling everyone how pious they aren't. It will be good for FoxNews to have to find another Democrat, perhaps one who disagrees with the President on the war, to headline a lot of their shows. But this is the United States Senate we're dealing with here, in a time of current war and potential future war, and we're electing a guy whose totality of political experience is haggling over variances and building permits? This election has nothing to do with Ned Lamont, so let's get over our starry eyed optimism. This is about getting rid of a guy who has been publicly disloyal; getting rid of a guy who annoys the nutroots. Ned Lamont is going to be elected to the US Senate out of personal antipathy, and that can't rub anyone the right way.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Friday News Roundup

- Senator Joe "I was not on the television series ALF" Lieberman will be facing off against Connecticut businessman Ned "My name is Ned" Lamont in the Democratic primary on Tuesday, bringing to an end (for now) one of the strangest primary fights in a while. Expect bloggers all around the world to be typing frantically until Wednesday, when productivity will return at IT support centers, Star Trek conventions, and unemployment lines across the United States. More on this election on Monday.

- A heat wave continued to strike the United States, where weathermen everywhere are chomping at the bit to capture video of overly hot people adjusting their crotches. Meanwhile, I have been sweating like... well I don't even have a moderately funny metaphor to insert here, so I'll just say I've been sweating a lot. My air conditioner has a fantastic quirk: It doesn't cool off my room until around 3:45 in the morning, when I wake up shivering and naked and have to find my blanket which I had thrown across my room at 11:15 when it was 95 degrees. Excellent.

- Meanwhile, in Israel, bad things continue to happen. Iranian President Mahmoud "Is my name really that hard to pronounce" Ahmadinejad postulated that the only way to achieve piece in the region is to destroy Israel. I'm sorry, I was confusing him with Mel Gibson.

- And finally, in a story I had read about several months ago, a New Hampshire court dismissed a complaint against a doctor who had been accused of insulting his patients. The money quote:

The complaints included charges that Bennett humiliated a white woman by telling her she was so obese she might only be attractive to black men. A 2001 complaint accused Bennett of telling a woman recovering from brain surgery to buy a pistol and shoot herself to end her suffering.

And I can not lie, you other brothers can't deny...

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

A Brief Hiatus


Moderately Effed will take a brief break due to some business at work.

I will return soon, when maybe I will taking care of a whole new family, complete with hot daughters and an eventual run on syndication.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

...Now they call me Castro




Fidel Castro is stepping down as President/premier/dictator/pimp of Cuba due to an illness, and is handing over the country's reign to.... his brother! This is much better news than a few weeks ago, when the rumor mill had Castro dead. Although not nearly as good as when he fell down in 2004.

So we've got evil identical twins running Poland, Fidel giving the leadership of Cuba to his brother, father and son Presidents in the same decade, brothers in the House and Senate from Colorado, and Conan goes Bananas as Governor of our third largest state. Viva la revolucion!