And where the hell was I?

My 5 loyal readers (and the 5 people a day who find this site while looking up a quote from Blues Brothers):

Yes, I still have a blog.  

I've been fighting this for a long time, but it's time for me to close up shop.    I'd like to say that I've been busy with other projects, things within my real life, but in actuality I just haven't been motivated to write.  Things haven't been as funny to me, I guess?  I blame Barack Obama.

I will, however, return to updating my as of late dormant pretentious photo-blog, Everyone thinks they can be a photographer.

Thank you for reading, especially to those of you who would comment and who read even when I was patently unfunny.  Phil (Phil?  You've changed, man)  PK (my cowriter on the 2013 romantic comedy "Mismatch" starring Kate Hudson and Verne Troyer), MGriff (Guys night!)  Shannon (most frequent commenter), Wiley Romo (my earliest fan), Amy (the only member of the actual media to read this space), Rom (my furthest away reader)Michelle (You fine), Decline (who praised me more than I ever deserved), KO (for the title), Josh (the naturally funniest person I know), Darren (my earliest writing partner)

In order to generate some last minute site traffic, and because I enjoy reading my own written word, here is a quick list of my favorite posts over the past three and a half years:

- The best use of a song title in a post (not a good piece of writing)

- A screed about how much I sweat

- A preview of McCain's VP possibilities

- Barbara Walters, homewrecker

- Mitt's sexual pecadillos and Zombie Reagan

- Why Barack?

- Spam of the day

- A democratic roundup

- Zombie Reagan 

- Karl Rove, rapper

- A post about my hometown's struggles

- President Bush, douchebag

- My take on religious traditions

- My hero Bill Clinton

- My love letter to the Myspace T-shirt girl

- A post (about the New York Post) featuring the funniest joke I've ever written

- People you might find on Myspace (my most popular post)

- The post that got me on Wonkette!!! (i'm pathetic)

- Bumper sticker ideas

- My favorite post

- My quest to destroy a Jeopardy Teen Tournament participant

- Egotastic!

- The 2006 State of the Union!

- 2008 Presidential candidate preview (circa 2006 - Part 1, Part 2)

Thank you for reading, and for the compliments,  and for telling me when I wasn't funny.   

Si Se Puede!

Barack Obama has made his pick for Justice Souter's replacement, and.... she's a Latino!!!  And she's a she!  Hooray, we've achieved racial harmony.

The next Justice is Sonia Sotomayor, who also has the added benefit of sounding like a television news reporter and maintaining the oft forgotten quota of justices whose last name begin with "S" (still at 3)

I know very little about her except that one conservative guy thinks she's a dummy and she went to Yale Law (safety school).  Also she plays poker.

Douche or Douchebag

All right, that's it, I'm done

Whoa.  

I know I've given up on the media before, but I think this is really it.

Money quotes from the article:

"The never-before-seen virus was created when genes from pig, bird, and human viruses mixed together inside a pig.  Experts fear the virus that has gone from humans back into pigs in at least one case could mutate farther before crossing back into humans again.  But no one can predict what will happen."

Well, that's excellent.  So a farmer had a threesome with a chicken and a hog and ok nobody knows what's next.

Agriculture officials believe the worker may have sneezed or coughed near the pigs, possibly in a barn.

Right.  If by sneezed you mean violated by barn you mean, well, probably in the barn.

Ummm...

I'm not going to ask any questions on this one.

What?

What the what?  What? What?  Souter? What?

That's right, Souter's retiring, I'm guessing to hang out in New Hampshire and think about stuff?