Wearing the 45

I thought I had taken a permanent break from this space, but CNN's Unintentionally Hilarious Headline Generator (CNNUHHG) brought me back:

And where the hell was I?

My 5 loyal readers (and the 5 people a day who find this site while looking up a quote from Blues Brothers):

Yes, I still have a blog.  

I've been fighting this for a long time, but it's time for me to close up shop.    I'd like to say that I've been busy with other projects, things within my real life, but in actuality I just haven't been motivated to write.  Things haven't been as funny to me, I guess?  I blame Barack Obama.

I will, however, return to updating my as of late dormant pretentious photo-blog, Everyone thinks they can be a photographer.

Thank you for reading, especially to those of you who would comment and who read even when I was patently unfunny.  Phil (Phil?  You've changed, man)  PK (my cowriter on the 2013 romantic comedy "Mismatch" starring Kate Hudson and Verne Troyer), MGriff (Guys night!)  Shannon (most frequent commenter), Wiley Romo (my earliest fan), Amy (the only member of the actual media to read this space), Rom (my furthest away reader)Michelle (You fine), Decline (who praised me more than I ever deserved), KO (for the title), Josh (the naturally funniest person I know), Darren (my earliest writing partner)

In order to generate some last minute site traffic, and because I enjoy reading my own written word, here is a quick list of my favorite posts over the past three and a half years:

- The best use of a song title in a post (not a good piece of writing)

- A screed about how much I sweat

- A preview of McCain's VP possibilities

- Barbara Walters, homewrecker

- Mitt's sexual pecadillos and Zombie Reagan

- Why Barack?

- Spam of the day

- A democratic roundup

- Zombie Reagan 

- Karl Rove, rapper

- A post about my hometown's struggles

- President Bush, douchebag

- My take on religious traditions

- My hero Bill Clinton

- My love letter to the Myspace T-shirt girl

- A post (about the New York Post) featuring the funniest joke I've ever written

- People you might find on Myspace (my most popular post)

- The post that got me on Wonkette!!! (i'm pathetic)

- Bumper sticker ideas

- My favorite post

- My quest to destroy a Jeopardy Teen Tournament participant

- Egotastic!

- The 2006 State of the Union!

- 2008 Presidential candidate preview (circa 2006 - Part 1, Part 2)

Thank you for reading, and for the compliments,  and for telling me when I wasn't funny.   

Si Se Puede!

Barack Obama has made his pick for Justice Souter's replacement, and.... she's a Latino!!!  And she's a she!  Hooray, we've achieved racial harmony.

The next Justice is Sonia Sotomayor, who also has the added benefit of sounding like a television news reporter and maintaining the oft forgotten quota of justices whose last name begin with "S" (still at 3)

I know very little about her except that one conservative guy thinks she's a dummy and she went to Yale Law (safety school).  Also she plays poker.

Douche or Douchebag

All right, that's it, I'm done

Whoa.  

I know I've given up on the media before, but I think this is really it.

Money quotes from the article:

"The never-before-seen virus was created when genes from pig, bird, and human viruses mixed together inside a pig.  Experts fear the virus that has gone from humans back into pigs in at least one case could mutate farther before crossing back into humans again.  But no one can predict what will happen."

Well, that's excellent.  So a farmer had a threesome with a chicken and a hog and ok nobody knows what's next.

Agriculture officials believe the worker may have sneezed or coughed near the pigs, possibly in a barn.

Right.  If by sneezed you mean violated by barn you mean, well, probably in the barn.

Ummm...

I'm not going to ask any questions on this one.

What?

What the what?  What? What?  Souter? What?

That's right, Souter's retiring, I'm guessing to hang out in New Hampshire and think about stuff? 

 

Lost song of the day

Bruce Springsteen -- "When You're Alone" off Tunnel of Love

Bruce Springsteen is another musician about which I have a bone to pick with my mother.   I have previously discussed on this space my father's vast musical knowledge of every song recorded from 1960-1966 (and his total disinterest of all music that came after that) and my mother's broad musical interests that made me curious and the music fan that I am.  

So it is her that I relied upon for exposure to rock and folk from 1967 going forward.  And she typically delivered, but failed miserably by never listening to Bruce Springsteen, who I really discovered about 10 years ago, but didn't fully appreciate until the last few years.  So, thanks mom.  I missed out on 15 years of Backstreets and Jungleland.

It's cliche to talk about the deep emotional place Bruce was in when he wrote Tunnel of Love -- it's all over the internet, the songs are soaked with loneliness and despair (amazingly even moreso than albums like Born to Run of Darkness on the Edge of Town).    "One Step Up" might be the gem of the album, but "When You're Alone" is my favorite.

Sometimes it's Bruce's storytelling that I really love, the narrative.  Sometimes it's the overly cheesy lyrics (like in Born to Run), usually it's the music and the energy.  On this song, though, it's his ability to succinctly hammer home a theme, both by repeating "When you're alone, you're alone" over and over again, and by delivering one of my favorite of his lyrics, "And man, I was gone, gone, gone"

I can't get enough of this song.  

Note: the above photo shows Bruce at his absolute preeningest.  It is both awesome and hilarious.

Incorrect priorities?

Perhaps a better ban might be on the rampant, dirty, sweaty, energetic, drunk, unprotected sex that surrounds Northeastern campus as a whole (or as a hole) during Senior Week?  My guess is shaking hands is literally the most insignificant amount of physical contact any of these students are having (with the exception of computer science majors and anyone on the fencing team)

Douche or Douchebag

Following yesterday's post on Spencer, Heidi, and Rod Blagojevich and their epic match of "Douche or Douchebag", I decided to make it a regular segment.  The first contestants?

Peace at last

A travesty

Special thanks to longtime reader and friend of the blog KO for pointing out this story, and for also being the inspiration for my most longwinded post ever on this space, and for helping me create the title of this blog...

It's official folks, former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich (D-oes anyone want to buy a fucking Senate seat) will not be allowed to travel to Costa Rica to play a role in the reality series, "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!".

Fortunately, he did appear in a photo shoot, which caught Blago and walking genitalia Spencer and Heidi right before a rousing game of "Douche or Douchebag"

   

The photo has the strange quality of making it appear that everyone has been photoshopped in.  I'm surprised at a lot of things.  First, that Blago hasn't been forced to pawn off all of his suits, second that I even have a passing knowledge of who the other two human sewers are, and third that Spencer and I both own pink shirts.

Once again, the producers of this show are using the term celebrity a little loosely.  Stephen Baldwin (shockingly available) is the leader of this Algonquin round table, and has offered to fly to Chicago to plead with a judge to allow the Gov to leave the states and film the series.   Baldwin has taken to wearing a pin that says, and I'm not kidding, "Leggo my Blago"

I'll let Blago leave us with an (unbelievably) undoctored quote...

"I sold myself on the idea that this would be the way to be a modern day Teddy Roosevelt.

He went to South America and charted a river that hadn't been charted.  In my little way I could be like somebody and be like Teddy Roosevelt and be in the jungle only I'd have the advantage of being with interesting celebrities."

In your face.... whoever is running the Republican Party... I don't know, Charlie Crist?

Yes!  This means it will be much easier to authorize whatever kind of witchcraft economics Tim Geithner is cooking up in his forehead factory.

Personally I love it because it will be fun to see all the Republican Senators who have pulling punches for years on him suddenly start going knives out.  You know, because a two time cancer survivor is such a good target.  Can we make him a war-hero too?  That would make great Hannity fodder.

Lost song of the Day

Fleet Foxes -- "Mykonos" off Mykonos EP

I suppose that it's pretty silly for me call any song by the Fleet Foxes a lost song because they have recorded about 13 songs, and because ever Tom, Dick, and hipster ranked eponymously named  album Fleet Foxes as the album of the year for 2008, but I'm fine with it.

The Fleet Foxes album is very good -- I'm not sure I would put it at album of the year level but then again I listen to albums 3 or 4 tracks at a time so I'm a bad judge of that kind of thing.  I enjoyed most of the songs, particularly White Winter Hymnal which made me think very happily of the Beach Boys.

I heard Mykonos for the first time on Saturday Night Live, which is itself interesting as a lot of bands won't do new material on SNL and I usually have to DVR an episode of Conan to see a performance of a good indie band.   Their performance was good and this song is my favorite by them now.  The acapella piece of the song, starting at 2:13, is the most memorable, and rocking, part.

Nabroleon and Brosephine

I kept quiet on the teabagging and Bobama, but the Chavez-Obama "Hug it out, bitch" moment could not escape my radar.

Obviously, I have no problem with President Obama meeting Hugo Chavez, shaking his hand, maybe grabbing a quick drink, maybe helping him move, maybe driving him to the airport, maybe catching a soccer match, , maybe asking him to join the President's weekly hoops game, maybe asking him about what grill he should buy, or maybe discussing cell phone providers or routes to work.

My problem is: goddamnit Barack why are you so much cooler than me?  Here you are, making acquaintance with a guy who would probably like the United States destroyed, and you greet him like your college roommate?  Does anything phase you?  Is there ever a time when you think, hey, maybe I should turn off the cool switch and be a little stiffer?  

Don't touch him on the arm, don't grip his hand like you're pulling Courtney Cox up on to stage during Dancing in the Dark.  The guy is a dictator.  Shake his hand, say a vague pleasantry, that's it.

Well, I think I'll just head over to CNN for a minute and HOLY SHIT WHAT THE HELL IS THAT

Who knew Larry King liked to smoke?? Zing!

But he ain't no criminal, and his crime, it is none

So while I was browsing Boston.com yesterday (I just love that Dan Shaughnessy!) I came across an article detailing the brutal and bizarre murder of a prostitute at the Marriott Hotel in Copley Square.  Last night, friends sent me a few pictures of the accused killer, who looks a little too much like me.

For the record, on Tuesday night I was watching 90210 in the comfort of my own home in Somerville, celebrating Donna Martin's triumphant return to Beverly Hills.  Apparently she's a high powered clothing designer now.  How could I know that if I was shooting a hooker in downtown Boston?

Bad choice

While every Senate race pits one douchebag against one slightly less douchebag, this never-ending Minnesota Senate campaign has featured two of the most unlikeable people on the planet, Al Franken and Norm Coleman.

Personally, I would like both of them to lose and for either Walter Mondale, Kevin McHale or Bob Dylan to take office, but occasionally I live in reality so I've come to accept the fact that Al Franken is going to be a United States Senator.  Oh my god.

Aside from Jimmy Fallon, Dane Cook, Glenn Beck, and JD Hayworth, I can't think of too many people in the public eye that I like less than Norm Coleman.    It's visceral for me, starting with the end of the 2002 Senate race and bleeding throughout Iraq and the second Bush administration.  He is a political opportunist, an unprincipled goon.  And he looks like some sort of stretched out Jimmy Carter cross breeded with a pencil eraser.

Franken, on the other hand.... Where do I start?  His performance as a baggage handler in my second favorite movie of all time, Trading Places, should earn him a pass in my book and lifelong support for all of his endeavors.   And usually, anyone who engages in a fued with Bill O'Reilly is my kind of guy (except when Steve Doocy and O'Reilly have their weekly Numbskull-off competition). 

But, Franken's a dick, so there that goes.   He's meanspirited, and conniving, and a lot of time cruel.  Despite his intelligence, he goes for the easy political joke and is rarely particularly insightful.  Plus, I'm still not behind this whole "I have zero business, government, military, or political training but I want to be a Senator/Governor/President" idea.

Of course, I would vote for Dane Cook if he was running against Norm Coleman, so regardless of my personal antipathy for Franken, I suppose I'm at leastly slightly satisfied to know that Coleman will be relegated to making $50,000 on the lecture circuit.

Wait.

Lost song of the day

- Eminem -- "Murder, Murder" off Next Friday Soundtrack

Anyone who knows me, even casually, knows that for some reason, I have a weird obsession with the the Notorious BIG.   I was a relatively big hip hop fan through college, and, inexplicably, had a hip hop radio show that ran from midnight-2:00 on Thursday nights, which, in retrospect, is hilarious.  

Anyway, my devotion to BIG led me to other hip hop, particularly Tupac, Dr. Dre, and Eminem. Dre came out with Chronic 2001 just as I was really getting into hip hop, right around the same time Eminem was releasing the Slim Shady LP.  

This song is fantastic, it's slow for Eminem, but he keeps his playful lyrics and dark themes, and has a great backbeat and synthesized music.  Plus it has Tupac sampled in the chorus, and a great final line, "I surrendered my weapon to cops, it wasn't me, it was the gangsta rap and the peppermint schnapps"

Words... Words...

Here's a headline I probably would have edited.

I don't know what I'm to say, I'll say it anyway

Hey, Mr. President, what the hell are you doing?

Let's give you the benefit of the doubt, maybe you weren't saying that your bowling performance was like the "Special Olympics", you were saying it was like the special "Olympics", you know, because the Olympics only comes around every 4 years and therefore its special.  And for retards.

Why don't you stick to interviews with Andy Katz where you fill out a comically sized NCAA tournament bracket and pretend that your final four picks aren't politically motivated.

What the hell is going on with Igoogle?

Last week as I was watching my vast stock portfolio dwindle away from my google homepage, I noticed that Celine Dion's face adorned the top banner.  Revolted and a little woozy, I made note of it.

So, the next day, Celine Dion was back, giving a come hither look that had the same effect on me as chemical castration.  And then the next day, and the next day.

Today, I get Faith Hill??  

Now at least Faith Hill is hot, but what in my browsing habits is giving google the notion that this is what I'm interested in?  Or, is Google just putting these images everywhere?

He beat me... Straight up

Yesterday, to celebrate St. Patrick's Day, I ran a 5k road race in my neighborhood in Somerville.  It started at 11:00am and I was enjoying my first Guinness by 11:45.  I then drank for 11 hours.

The race itself was great; 4000 people ran and the weather cooperated.  I ran my best pace time ever.  At about mile 2, however, something bizarre happened, coincidentally as we ran right past my apartment.  At mile 2, I was passed by a man in a lime green body suit.

As this mass flew past me on my left, I audibly screamed, "No way", letting my fellow runners that I was not going to get beat by this... thing.  So, I upshifted and started running as fast as I possibly could for several hundred feet, and kept pace with him as we started the final hill of the run.

Well, he must have had some extra fuel in the tank because he absolutely took off, vanishing into the crowd ahead of me and not reappearing until after the race had ended.  I had a lot of questions... should I give up recreational running?  Should I give up going anywhere in public? How was he able to see -- that suit had no eye holes???

After crossing the finish line, I made my way through the crowd and towards the bar, and passed a man in a bear costume, and overheard another runner saying, "Well, at least I beat the bear..."

A man in a bear costume also beat me?  I couldn't, and didn't accept that.  Since the bear never passed me on the course, I will just assume that he started way before me and that we had at least comparable finish time.  Unfortunately, there is no way to confirm that as the results page don't list the bear and I don't know his real name.

This was not my most embarrassing "Passed by a costume" experience -- in December on a race on the same course, right around the same point I was passed by a man in giant gingerbread man costume, at least 6 and a half feet tall.  He was carrying a 3 foot long candy cane.

Yeah he is!

Vulgar, when brought to light

Hahahaha, abortion.

I hate Foxnews.  If they're trying for a funny headline, my two suggestions would 1) be funny and 2) don't talk about abortion.  Maybe a sports joke, something like: "It's curtains for Steele"  or "Steele curtained?".  Perhaps a food pun: "Steele Cutlet".  I got loads of these.

And so it goes

The big news of the day?  The political sham relationship between Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston has ended.

"I still hate you."

Ah yes, the fairy tale engagement, which only happened because John McCain for some reason chose Sarah Palin as his running mate, is over.  Bristol Palin can go back to caring for her son (and perhaps her other son), and Levi Johnston can go back to doing whatever people do in Alaska, I don't know, fish?

Throughout all of this nonsense during the campaign, I think I felt the worst for Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin (well probably Trigg, actually).  Here are two teenagers who have sex like all teenagers do (except me) and whoops, they get pregnant.  What then should have been a completely private matter between the two of them and some sled dogs becomes a national news story; they are no longer allowed to decide if they want to keep the baby and are forced to marry probably the first person they've ever slept with.

For political purposes, this chucklehead Levi Johnston gets paraded around the RNC as an example of I have no idea what, and every move this guy makes is pretty much dictated to him for three months because he had sex with his girlfriend.  Then, the campaign ends, the baby is born, and he can go back to his hockey.  

The tumult that political children go through is pretty much never-ending; Chelsea Clinton went through a pubescent nightmare in front of the country among others.  But Bristol Palin?  What could she have ever expected in terms of press and notoriety, a photographer snapping a picture of her having some spiked cider at the Iditarod?  She wasn't groomed like the Bush daughters and Chelsea Clinton were, always having to be on guard and always knowing there was a next step up.

Ah, young love... oh, wait, I mean young fucking.  That's right, young fucking.

Oh, name

While the seemingly never-ending parade of rejected Obama nominees (Daschle, Gregg, El Gobernardo Gordo cona una barba) has proven to be a messy thorn in the President's side, he has come through the cabinet process relatively unscathed, which is great because he needs all of the political capital he can muster to take money from white men and give it to illegal day laborers.

I was ok with the losses of Daschle, etc... but after the withdrawal of intelligence chief pick Chas Freeman, I am inconsolable.  How can Americans go on after they realize they have been denied the opportunity to have a guy named Chas at the highest echelons of government?

He could have worn a leather jacket.  He could have bullied the young aides in the White House Press Office.  He could have made Jill Biden uncomfortable.  Where will we go for the Obama adminstration douchebag?

Oh, right, Rahm Emmanuel.

Lost song of the day

- The Swingin' Medallions  -- "Double Shot (Of my baby's love)" off Double Shot

  My mother probably has the best musical taste of anyone I know.  She raised me on the The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, CCR, Crosby Stills Nash and Young, Bob Dylan, and Fleetwood Mac, but she wasn't at all stuck in the 60's and 70's.  She constantly bought new folk and rock albums and would stay up to watch Conan O'Brien for the musical guests.  While her musical tastes kept evolving, she remained rooted: she has always been convinced that The Who and the Kinks are the best rock bands in history.  I feel like my love of music, of lyrics and intonation, of energy, came from her, so when I hear both old and new music I'll often think of her and think about whether or not she would like it.

  These guidelines she set for me also meant that I missed out on a lot of music growing up -- she never listened to Bruce Springsteen or David Bowie.  Two years ago I called her specifically to ask her why she never played any Velvet Underground.  So those would all come to me later.

   My father, on the other hand, stopped accepting new music into his brain sometime in 1969.  He listened to the Beach Boys, and Tom Rush, and early Beatles.  The latest song I've ever heard him really like was "The Weight" by the Band, which is fair because it's probably just about the best song ever recorded.  Because his car radio was glued to the Oldies station for my entire childhood, and there was such a limited catalogue of popular music recorded from 1955-1965, I learned all of those songs back and forth like he did.

   This song definitely comes from my dad's camp; it has silly and evocative lyrics, a loud and fast drum beat, and the hollow sound of a garage band.  Honestly, I know my dad knows this song but I can't say if it's one of his favorites, but every time I hear I think of him, which makes me happy.   I unabashedly love this song.

Finally

I know nothing about Dora the Explorer other than she seems to be a vaguely ethnic cartoon character with a backpack, but for me, any sluttification is a good sluttification so I'm all for it.

Aren't we all?

And if you don't know, now you know

That's it.  I've had it with Michael Steele trying to talk street.  First it's the bling bling comment, then this... We get it, you're black, you're expanding the party, it's not all just whites and slightly tanner whites (Charlie Crist)

Basically, stop frontin'.  You're fugazi.  You're whack.  

Holla if you need me love, I'm in the House

President Obama (hooray!) will be addressing the House and Senate tonight, where he will speak about the stimulus package, his overall economic recovery plan, and OH MY GOD HE'S ACTUALLY PRESIDENT OH MY GOD

Lost song of the day

- Junip -- "Black Refuge" off Black Refuge EP

I've seen Jose Gonzalez in concert many times.  He is one of my favorite artists despite his sometimes coma-inducing music, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.   I've seen shows by him in a music club, in an auditorium, at an outdoor concert, and in a bar, and my problem has always been that he sounds exactly the same each time I see him.  There is rarely any change of emotion, rarely any deviation from the studio versions of his songs.  I've downloaded some of his concerts and I can never tell the difference -- he doesn't "riff", he doesn't "jam".

When I first discovered this song a few years ago, I was excited because it added to the very limited Jose Gonzalez catalogue.  Junip is more a project than a band; there are only a handful of songs that have been released and despite promises of a full length Junip album somewhere down the line, he has been devoted to solo touring.

His first record, Veneer, was almost exclusively just him and a guitar.  In Our Nature, which came out in 2007, was a lot more produced, a lot heavier, and a lot darker.   I liked both albums, but felt like Veneer was where he was most comfortable.  This track, Black Refuge, is much more In Our Nature than Veneer; its more electric, and harder, and more frightening.  

I'm a monkey, I'm a monkey man

The crazy Connecticut Chimp story has made its way across the internet, and despite the hilarious and already infamous details about this Chimp's life (he dressed himself, drank wine, watched television, brushed his teeth, was the managing director of a now defunct hedge fund in Greenwich, and was the 43rd President of the United States) it is yet another reminder of why fucking with nature sometimes results in a completely innocent person getting their hands and face ripped off by an out of control animal that should not be walking around in a house.

I've written on this before, notably here and here.  I have a problem with zoos in general, from the odors to the overwhelming number of fanny packs to the fact the Bronx Zoo once displayed an African.  Tigers, lions, elephants, bears, chimps...  they're not meant to be in captivity.  And don't me started on birds.  I'm in no way an animal rights activist (yesterday I ate chicken, bacon, and sausage) but caging them just seems unsettling to me -- didn't we learn anything from that Twilight Zone episode with Roddy McDowall?

What this woman did, though... She normalized him into a human social setting.   This is why I object when people put sweaters on dogs; first your dressing them and next thing you know they're starring in movies and then ripping the appendages off of your acquaintances.   There has to be a happy medium between caging animals in faux habitats to be gawked at by Kansans and treating them like humans.  

Not If I have anything to say about it...

Via CNN's Unintentionally Hilarious Headline Generator (CNNUHHG):

I'm not certain if this is a threat or a prediction, but the more times Bristol Palin gets pregnant, the more children Sarah Palin claims she has, which just makes her more likeable as a candidate, which cannot be allowed to happen, so this, and only this, is the only reason for abstinence.

Lost song of the day

- Calexico -- "Cruel" off Garden Ruin

A few months ago, friend of the blog McGriff implored me to drop whatever I was doing and buy the new Calexico album.  Fortunately for me, I had already illegally downloaded it so I was all set, but it took me about 3 months to actually listen to it, which I did yesterday while resting after a long and painful run.

The album, Carried to Dust, is very good, and continues along Calexico's previous trail of "Indie-Mariachi", which is essentially lyric driven soft music with lots of instruments, lots of brass, and the occasional appearance of a maraca.  As I listened to the album, I dozed off and woke up listening to Cruel, which had been released on Garden Ruin in 2006, an album I also own, but quite predictably, had not taken the time to listen to in its entirety.

This song fits in perfectly with the rest of Garden Ruin, including my favorite songs of theirs All Systems Red, and Panic Open String.  It doesn't really break any new ground, but I really got stuck on the opening instrumental section and the buildup starting in the final 1:20.

As if we got a new position

... by fellating him?

Personally I would have taken the picture from a few feet further out.

Lost song of the day

- Modest Mouse -- "Missed the Boat" off We Were Dead Before the Boat Even Sank

Like most people, I first heard of Modest Mouse when "Float On" came out in 2004, which was the same year I found out I knew nothing about music.  I was proud of my music tastes, and still am, despite how much I love the song "I Hope You Dance" by Lee Ann Womack.

I liked "Float On" and listened the other albums that they had put out, none of which I liked.  I tried again a few years ago and could only find one track ("Bukowski") that I enjoyed.  The actual music was my problem; I enjoyed the lyrics and Isaac Brock's strange voice, particularly his energy, but as always is my problem with bands that I'm not in love with, I didn't have a whole lot of patience.

I heard "Missed the Boat" on a car radio last week, and the friends I was with didn't know it.  I wrote the lyric "We already missed the plane" on my hand and looked it up as soon as I got to a computer.  I downloaded it when I got home and we've been happily married ever since.

The lyrics are great, if not melancholy.  Brock's energy is also good, especially in the middle verse with a declaration of "Goddamn" that I enjoy every time I hear the song.  James Mercer from the Shins does backup vocals during the progressively changing chorus, and really makes the song.

The Harbinger

The economy is fine.  Sure, my mom can't afford to pay her heating bill, my credit cards have all been cancelled, and my and I'm eating carrots three meals a day, but we're still afloat, right?  My vision is fantastic, those Iphones are still selling like hot cakes, and we've got that new President guy?  I'll only admit collapse if those people who break into this country illegally are forced to leave because they can't even get low-wage menial jobs.

First of all, this guy looks like Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder.  That aside, this has to be our floor, right?  A day laborer from Guatemala is leaving the states because things are better for him in Guatemala.   

Lost song of the day

- Neil Young -- "Thrasher", off Rust Never Sleeps

I love Neil Young.  I've talked about it before, and I'll talk about it again.  What I particularly enjoy about him is that he has alternated so exceedingly between hard and soft for his entire career.  Harvest has "Heart of Gold" and "Out on the Weekend", but also has "Words" and "Alabama."  Everybody Knows this is Nowhere is a phenomenal album, including my favorite song by him "Cowgirl in the Sand", and is almost entirely electric, while After the Gold Rush, critically considered his best record, is almost entirely soft.

Anyway, because I tend to get obsessed with songs and albums for months, and sometimes years, at a time, I sometimes avoid the rest of the catalogue.  I had heard bits and pieces of Rust Never Sleeps before, but never the entire album, which I finally listened to in December. "Thrasher" stuck out for me. 

It's just Neil with his guitar and harmonica, and could have easily been recorded on a solo acoustic tour or in a studio.  His voice and the lyrics are strong, and defiant.  Nearly every lyric paints a picture, evokes imagery, and conjures up imagination.  The melody is repeated and doesn't deviate, but that doesn't take away from it.    I am genuinely sad it took me nearly 29 years to find this song.

Call the coroner

What sociopathic cave dweller have we not heard from in a few weeks?

Of course by "warns" he means promises, but that's just semantics.  Cheney has got his wheelchair all shined up.  He got new wheels on it, a rocket launcher on the left side, and the ability to release a smoke screen and an oil slick, like the car in Spy Hunter.  He's ready.  So stop subpoening Karl Rove.

How about Global Thermonuclear War?

Hey everybody!  IBM is building an insanely fast supercomputer that will be 20 times faster than the world's fastest computer.  What for?  To simulate nuclear war.  Wait this sounds familiar.

Huh.

Why is this... oh whatever

I blame myself

Whoops

So, yesterday's post on Tom Daschle seems to have warmed the hearts of conservatives everywhere, or, rather, conservatives who use search engines to determine the content of other people's blogs.  Apparently, my mention of Daschle and/or Tony Rezko set off the wingnut alarm, and www.rezkorama.com, which is either a blog which aggregates negative stories about President Obama, or the worst theme park in the entire world, linked to this space.

Here I was just trying to be even-handed, just trying to make fun on Tom Daschle's glasses, just trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with Presidential-level vetting, and what happens?  AHugh Hewitt run blog links to me!  I must somehow save my reputation, which I believe is very strong among the 10 people who read this blog, all of whom are my friends (at least on Facebook)

Ummmm.....

Haha!  That last President was terrible, right?  

And so begins the long, slow fall of Sally Jesse Raphael

Not sure what's in the drinking water over at the White House office of cabinet affairs but I think it might be tax evasion mixed with really, really, big balls.

Tom Daschle becomes the second Cabinet nominee of President Obama's to be snared up in a "tax issue", and by "tax issue" of course I mean he didn't pay like $150,000 in taxes.    Probably just a "clerical error", and by "clerical error" I mean he used a limo and chauffeur for three years and didn't reflect that in his taxes.  I'm sure that it was an "isolated incident" and by "isolated incident" I mean he also didn't pay taxes on $80,000 in consulting fees.  I'm sure he "promptly fixed the problem" and by "promptly fixed the problem" I mean he just paid the taxes in January.  

The most interesting part about the story is that Daschle realized the mistake in June and didn't fix the problem AND didn't tell Obama about it, which strikes me as strange because Obama seems like the kind of guy be ok with a mistake if you were honest about it but if you weren't he would bury you in a Tony Rezko owned landfill somewhere outside of Chicago.

Either way, a potential Daschle withdrawal opens the door for another Republican Senator, so I'm ok with it.

Oh. My. God.

BREAKING: OBAMA MULLING SURPRISE PICK FOR COMMERCE SECRETARY... DEVELOPING

The big news out of Washington today is that President Obama plans on filling the empty post of Cabinet Secretary with a middle of the road New Hampshire Republican Senator and former Governor.  That man?

Other names on the short list include Judge Reinhold, Judge Mills Lane, Judd Hirsch, Naomi Judd, Dredd Scott, Gregg Jefferies, Geoffrey the Giraffe, and Matt Drudge.

*- Thanks to Friend of the Blog McGriff for the heads up

UPDATE: Obama actually considering New Hampshire Senator Judd Gregg, not noted hero Judge Dredd.  Moderately Effed apologizes for the error.